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Game of Phins

A Hollywood Mashup

Wild Card Round - Miami Dolphins v Pittsburgh Steelers
Miami’s Breaker of Chains, our Kahleesi
Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images

As I sat here plodding through marginal ideas for an article in the midst of the early July doldrums of NFL Football... I began to look at the apocalyptic wasteland of things to talk about and decided it was time for a little fun instead. The thought sprung to me as I sardonically thought to myself, “Heck, I’ll get new Game of the Thrones episodes before I get Dolphins Training Camp”. Why not take a moment and mash up two of my favorite things?

Disclaimer: If you have never seen Game of Thrones

A) You Should, B) This will have some spoilers, C) You might want to skip this article altogether, cause it will probably bore the pants off of you.

Game of Phins- Dolphins version of Westeros

First lets start off with Robert Baratheon, or as we knew him in Miami, Tony Sporano. He was a bit overweight, he liked to celebrate a bit too vivaciously, but overall most everyone seemed to like him. Even if he was an ineffective leader all told. A one-time mighty conqueror, (Targaryen Dynasty, Patriot Dynasty) both reigns were ultimately short-lived.

Yet, Sporano left a present behind when he left South Beach for good. Joffery Baratheon, aka, Jeff Ireland. Both were petulant little twerps set on having their own way and hungered for power. Expecting power as being their right; Joffery by birth and Ireland by Bill Parcells. The realms needed someone to temper that kind of destructive force.

Unlike the realms of Westeros, Miami turned to Stannis Barathreon, the stern-faced, seemingly emotionless leader who would sacrifice those closest to him as he grasped for power on the brink of destruction... Queesy Joe Philbin. Neither one of these leaders ever seemed to be able to pull it all together.

Miami has had one very steady Hand and he has come in the form of Miami’s very own version of Tyrion Lannister, Darren Rizzi. Both are underestimated Tyrion for his size, and Rizzi for the fact he is a Special Teams coach. Both have also been quietly gathering power. Rizzi has made himself instrumental in the daily running of the team, he is Assistant HC and has a lot of different game time duties. Reminding you of Tyrion in Kings Landing or Mereen? Me too.

Yet, who is it that Tyrion is assisting now? The Mother of Dragons, Danaerys Targaryen. Which could only mean... Adam Gase. The way the NFL, the Miami Fan Base have responded to Gase. The way the team has responded to Gase... You would think the man literally birthed dragons and ended slavery. Not without some undo cause, Gase engineered Miami’s first playoff appearance in quite some time. A drought many were overjoyed to see lifted.

None more so than the man who's been pulling the strings for quite some time. Miami’s version of Varys the Spider, Mike Tannenbaum. He has quietly assumed power and moved the pieces around on the board. No matter what anyone thought of the results in New York, as Varys did with Essos, Tannenbaum seems to learn from his mistakes and looks to correct them in the future.

Surely there are other players and front office personalities that could be placed into this realm...

Honorable Mention to:

Dawn Aponte as Brienne of Tarth.

Stephen Ross as Mace Tyrell

Ryan Tannehill as Jon Snow (Targaryen)

Cameron Wake as Barristan Selmy

Kenny Stills as Daario Naharis

Jemrome Bushrod as Jorah Mormont