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Elegant Haiku (A Tribute to the 2016 NFL Regular Season)

Get re-aligned with your inner chi, regular season style.

YB Bern v Borussia Moenchengladbach - UEFA Champions League Qualifying Play-Offs Round: First Leg Photo by Marc Eich/Bongarts/Getty Images

Omaha! Set! Hut!

Let’s go score a touchdown quick.

Eat it bitches. What!

Off-season sucks bad.

There is no more off-season.

Life is good, for now.

Yes, bartender, more.

Fantasy team struggling.

F***in’ injuries.

Ryan Tannehill.

Did I say something loaded?

Ryan Tannehill.

Jarvis Landry rules.

One-handed catches are fun.

So are big touchdowns.

Laremy Tunsil,

improves offensive line fast,

(puff cough puff cough pass)

3 and out again?

Oops, punter fumbles the snap.


Secondary burnt.

Geno Smith for another!

The Jets suck. Nuff said.

Jakeem Grant dazzles.

He moves this way and that, bro.

99 speed, yo.

Papa John’s pizza,

has terrible commercials.

Cheesy. Irony?

Hard Rock Stadium.

My ultimate hope for you:

Reason to attend.

Sunday Ticket out?

Why? It’s barely sprinkling here!

Hope you got it free.

Arian Foster.

Bringing it like we’ve noticed.

Broke those ankles, noob.

Please stop the run, fast.

We’ll suck if we don’t do that.

It’s really simple.

I’m pumped for real games,

ignore the bulge you see, dude.

Don’t flatter yourself.

Just in case you weren’t aware, haiku is a style of verse that involves 5 syllables in the first line, 7 syllables in the second line, and 5 syllables again in the third line. I’d love to see some Dolphins haiku going into the season from my Phinsider intellectuals. We’d normally be bitching and complaining and worrying right now, so if we do the opposite - conjure up random haiku - we’re destined for a more desirable regular season record!

Let’s see what you got! Phins Up from the SUTTON family!