A Toddler's Take on Important Miami Dolphins Decisions

My son is 2 1/2 now, and I probably confide in him way too much. I trusted him to pick his baby brother's name: I held him by his ankles upside-down, and slowly descended him towards an array of 4 post-it notes possessing different names. It was a riveting case to present to my wife. And it was the name we chose.

Despite an irreverent fondness for "accidentally" plowing over his little brother as he stumbles around, my oldest son shows good instincts. After arriving home from super-genius school and eating tons of vegetables, I decided to approach him about some important moves on the Dolphins' agenda. It was a nerve-wracking moment, because I was interrupting his ability to dance to the song he had played 216 times in a row. I had 3 questions for him, figuring that it would take roughly 1 minute per question, and knowing that I had about a 3 minute attention span.

Question 1: What's your prediction on Olivier Vernon?

What I really said: "This guy that plays for daddy's football team, is he gonna go home? Yes or no? No or yes? Yes or no?" (I asked alternating ways of the same question to make sure I accounted for any recency bias, as toddlers are easily fooled by). It was quite a diabolical "no". Like, seriously, there was a slight chuckle and a vigorous head shaking. I think it's because he thinks we'll somehow have a better DL without him. Wake will disprove doubters. Shelby comes back. Fede steps up. Suh dominates. Phillips improves his game. Rookie DE and/ or DT goes berserk. Yep, let's go with that.

Question 2: Will the Dolphins re-sign Lamar Miller?

I showed him a picture of Lamar Miller, and asked him, "Will he help daddy's football team on offense smell yummy or smell yucky? Yucky or yummy? Yummy or yucky?" He had to give this one some thought. I'm not sure as to his motivation for the hesitation. It's not clear, it could've been because he thought his younger brother was about to snatch that esteemed beach ball….but in my heart of hearts, I think he thinks this is a tougher decision than may appear to the eye. He ultimately said "yummy". The question is if it's macaroni and cheese yummy or chicken nuggets yummy, and it depends on how much it costs for mommy and daddy to purchase said items.

Question 3:  Is Ryan Tannehill the real deal or what?

I showed him a short clip of Ryan Tannehill throwing a TD pass at home, and Ryan Tannehill throwing an INT on the road, as to not get confused by the applause. After watching both videos, he said he wanted to watch Mulan II for the 143rd time in a row. As any good investigative journalist would do, I kept prodding. I knew he was on the ropes. SIR! Which video did you like better?!?! With fear of being withheld from Mulan II, he said he had to go pee. Never did get back around to that one. Well played, dude.