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Todd McShay rolls out of bed, posts third 2013 NFL Mock Draft

Excited to see the third installment of Todd McShay's 2013 mock draft? Don't get your hopes up.

Todd McShay's on the Keenan Allen-to-Dolphins bandwagon.
Todd McShay's on the Keenan Allen-to-Dolphins bandwagon.
Jed Jacobsohn

Todd McShay is clearly bored.

The much-maligned head of Scouts, Inc., and frequent contributor to ESPN's NFL Draft coverage, published his third mock draft of the 2013 pre-draft season on Wednesday. And judging from the illogical reasoning (even by McShay's standards) and genuine disinterest displayed throughout the mock, it's safe to assume one of the following three scenarios:

1) McShay forgot that his mock was due Wednesday morning, remembered five minutes prior to deadline and then wrote the article

2) McShay authored the mock with the assistance of Xanax

3) McShay is already over this year's draft class, and would rather listen to Yanni at the Acropolis on endless repeat than explain one more time why he hates Xavier Rhodes

While scenario No. 1 makes the most sense, scenario No. 3 is likely the culprit here. Why? It's simple, really: this year's quarterback class is appallingly bland. And McShay, a former college quarterback, just can't be bothered to mock a first round that, realistically, will feature the selection of no more than two signal callers. This mindset would explain why the Scouts, Inc. top 32 board clung onto West Virginia's Geno Smith and USC's Matt Barkley long after the two quarterbacks urinated on their respective draft stock last fall.

Before we go any further, here are the Dolphins selections from McShay's previous two 2013 mocks:

Mock 1.0 (published Dec. 12, 2012) - Dion Jordan, DE Oregon

Mock 2.0 (Feb. 7, 2013) - Kenny Vaccaro, S Texas

As of Wednesday, count McShay as part of the group that thinks the Dolphins should draft a receiver in the first round:

12) Miami Dolphins - Keenan Allen, WR California (6'2", 206)

"It would not be ideal for the Dolphins if the board falls in this order. Their most pressing positions of need are cornerback and offensive tackle, and the top-tier talents at both positions are gone," McShay wrote. "Ryan Tannehill is desperate for more playmakers, so drafting a wide receiver at No. 12 is not at all out of the question -- even if they sign a veteran starter via free agency.

"Tennessee's Cordarrelle Patterson is the most dynamic athlete at wide receiver, but he is extremely raw and will need a lot of reps in order to retain new information. I just don't think that lines up with what coach Joe Philbin and offensive coordinator Mike Sherman are looking for in their up-tempo version of the West Coast offense.

"Allen, on the other hand, is not a burner, but he is a polished route-runner with good size (6-2, 206) and natural playmaking ability."

What is with the Keenan Allen-at-No. 12 fascination? I like the Cal receiver, and I think he'd be an outstanding complement to someone like Mike Wallace. But at No. 12? The guy won't even workout for scouts until April 9. Too risky for my blood, especially within the top 15.

Here's a sterling example of McShay going all Prince Valium on us:

21) Cincinnati Bengals - D.J. Fluker, OT Alabama (6'5", 339)

"Would the Bengals replace one Alabama offensive tackle bust with another Alabama OT? If not, the best players at wide receiver, running back and linebacker will be the focus," McShay wrote. "Fluker seems to be more dedicated, and he carries his weight much better. He would be a good pick at this portion of the draft."

Two interesting things to note from the above revelation: 1) Few people think Andre Smith is a bust. Did McShay mean Smith is busty? If so, then yes, I couldn't agree more; 2) I suspect Officer Barbrady ghostwrote this selection.

And just when you thought McShay couldn't mail it in any worse, he drops this knowledge bomb on us:

28) Denver Broncos - Xavier Rhodes, CB Florida State (6'2", 210)

"We're not as high on him as some others, but he has an outstanding size-speed combination and is at his best in press-man coverage," McShay wrote.

"Not as high" is a bit of an understatement. What the hell did Rhodes do to upset everyone at Scouts, Inc.? Just about every mock database currently has Rhodes as a first-round selection; Scouts had him listed as a third-round pick all season long, and all but kicked and screamed while slotting him into the No. 4 corner spot in this year's class.

You can read the rest of McShay's masterpiece here. And not to be too heavy-handed, but as someone who awaits the McShay and Kiper mocks each season with baited breath, I couldn't be more disappointed with the former's latest effort. Boo this man!