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ESPN Power Rankings: Uniform Edition

Miami Dolphins running back Daniel Thomas in a uniform getting close to paydirt, according to ESPN rankings.
Miami Dolphins running back Daniel Thomas in a uniform getting close to paydirt, according to ESPN rankings.

This morning we took a look at the Miami Dolphins' hideously beautiful orange alternate jersey. Coincidently, ESPN released a power rankings list of all the uniforms in the NFL, MLB, NBA, and NHL. There are 122 uniforms in the four major sports franchises, with the rankings split into five groups, the "Cream of the Crop" ranking for the top 25, the "Getting Close to Paydirt" group for numbers 26 to 50, "The Middle Ground" took numbers 51 to 76, "Loud and Gimmicky" had numbers 76 to 100, and "Clowns and Duds" brought up the rear with numbers 101 to 122.

The number one uniform in all of the major sports leagues went to the Montreal Canadiens. ESPN included links to each team's uniforms, showing off both the home and away version of the jersey or sweater. For the Canadiens, they wrote:

"Proud standard-bearers for a league, a sport, a nation and now for the uni-verse as well, the Habs have it all: an iconic logo, two distinct but equally classic uni designs (it's odd that the wraparound chest stripe only appears on the home jersey, but the road design works fine without it), and an ideal balance of red, white and blue. This isn't just a perfect hockey uniform set -- it's a perfect uniform set, period. Unlike the old-school classics in the other sports (Yankees, Celtics, Raiders), it has some major visual pizzazz. Puts the biscuit in the basket, and then some. "

Second place for the uniforms went to the Chicago Bears. ESPN wrote:

"True, the helmet design is starting to look a tad dated. But the striped sleeves, striped socks (now a rarity in the NFL, alas), unique number font, and even the perma-memorial to Papa Bear all score major points, and the Bears may be the only team in the league who look as sharp on the road as they do at home. The cream of the NFL crop."

The rest of the top five included the St. Louis Cardinals, the Chicago Cubs, and the Boston Bruins. The NBA's first jersey showed up in tenth place with the Boston Celtics.

The Miami Dolphins, meanwhile come securely in the middle of the "Getting Close to Paydirt" group. The Dolphins aqua and white uniforms earned the team the 35th overall ranking, with ESPN writing:

"Several international treaties stipulate that nobody can discuss the Dolphins' uniforms without mentioning that the helmet logo really ought to have an infinite regression (i.e., a dolphin wearing a helmet with a dolphin wearing a helmet with a dolphin ...). Now that that's out of the way, there are two points worth mentioning here: First, the Dolphins' white jersey will have a two-tone collar this season -- not good. Also, word through the grapevine is that a logo revision may be in store for next season. So if you're a fan of the current logo, enjoy it while you can."

The 35th ranking out of the 122 possible uniforms also puts Miami as the ninth overall uniform in the NFL. That places them behind the Bears, the Green Bay Packers (6th overall), Pittsburgh Steelers (7th), Oakland Raiders (13th), Philadelphia Eagles (28th), Dallas Cowboys (30th), Buffalo Bills (33rd), and San Francisco 49ers (34th). The Tampa Bay Buccaneers (45th) round out the top ten.

And, just in case you are curious, the Cincinnati Bengals took the last position in the NFL (121st overall), while the NBA's Sacramento Kings end the overall rankings just one below the Bengals at 122nd.