FanPost

I Need Your Help.

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via prod.static.patriots.clubs.nfl.com

I don't know about you, but when I see that picture above, it gets my blood boiling. I want to stomp on something squishy. I want to karate chop a stack of boards that no man thought possible.

Week 1. I think we have a legit shot to open the season 1-0. First of all, not that the past influences the present in the NFL, but we should have been 2-0 against the Patriots last year. All hindsight and conjecture, granted. By my estimation, we won a hard-fought battle in Miami, and took a 17-3 lead into halftime at Foxborough. I hope Tannehill has found his inner throat-stomper to avoid future situations like this. Second of all, regardless of previous outcome, I think we have a few advantages going into week 1. The offense is comparatively understudied and less predictable. In other words, I think we have a scheme advantage over what the Pats do on defense, by virtue of the defense having a marginal understanding of what we like to do. Ever feel like the Pats defense knew what we were doing before we did it? (Insert SpyGate joke here.)

Gronkowski and Vereen will destroy us on the seam, angle, and flat routes, controlling the middle of the field. Edelman will probably have some timely 3rd downs. It will be a close game. You know it will be. It's a division game. But I think we win this game. It will come down to answering these two questions: 1) Can we get off the field on 3rd down? and 2) Can we run the ball? (Obviously turnovers are the ultimate hedge factor, but I think y'all know that!)

There's just one problem with all of this.

I will be sitting in an airport in Munich, Germany awaiting a flight to Ljubljana, Slovenia when all of this goes down.

Keep in mind that I'm of the more rabid variety when it comes to following the Dolphins. I never miss a game. Never. I go to at least one game a year that is geographically closest to me (I live in Cleveland). I haven't missed a game either in person or live on TV for 7 years.

Like I said, I will be in a foreign place with foreigners speaking a foreign tongue. Not sure whether data phones work overseas. Nor do I possess a data phone in the first place. Nor do I have DVR. Or cable. Technologically speaking, my access will be as limited as most Amish people.

We come to the title of this FanPost. I need your help. What is the most authentic way to experience this game? Do I read play-by-play on espn.com as slowly as possible? Do I tell a make-believe story to my 14 month-old son about what I think happened in the game (and then check the internet when possible)? Do they have sports bars in German airports? FACK!!!!!

Help a brother out. I'm lost in this spinning world of not knowing how we will dry hump Tom Brady. WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?!

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Phinsider's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of The Phinsider writers or editors.