Phin Wars Episode XLVIII: The Last Hope


With "May the 4th be with you" just passing and my ever lasting love for Star Wars and the Dolphins, I bring to you another episode. It has been about a year since I did one of these, but as always, I had a blast writing it. Hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. If you're new to the site or to reading these, this is something I started a couple years ago during the lockout. You can say it was sort of a coping mechanism for no football. If you haven't figured it out, it combines Star Wars themes with everything dealing with the Miami Dolphins. Without further ado, I bring to you Phin Wars.

[The following message was stored in a droid by Captain Solo after the battle of week 17 against the Death Star. and recovered by Princess Laura]

Captain's Journal: 12/30/2012

The war has ended...for now. We retreated as we were overpowered in the final week. We were not able to inflict any damage to the Death Star. What has become of the rebellion? Another defeat and blow to the morale of the rebels. The exhausting battles lasted seventeen grueling weeks before our worst nightmares were realized. We would need another year to rebuild and resupply.

Where was this war going? It seems as though the N.E.mpire and their powerful DS-1 Orbital Battle Station or "Death Star" have a stranglehold on the AFC East quadrant. What was the use in fighting? The results are always the same. Fortunately, I have spoken to one, Jason Taylrissian. The retired legendary pilot of the 139.5 Blitz Bomber turned to me and said "Cameron "Sacks QB's By His" Solo will be a thing of the past. We have found my replacement and your new apprentice, as he will soon be revealed." I must admit, this is welcoming news. Welcoming news indeed.

Captain Solo, signing off.

Phin Wars Episode XLVIII: The Last Hope

Sith lord Darth Hoody and his apprentice Darth Brador are weakening. They were once feared throughout the universe, but other squadrons have learned of the blueprints for the Death Star and the plans for attacking the Empire's battle station. The plan is quite simple (it's not rocket surgery). When exotic attack formations are lined up and weapons are launched at Darth Brador in a certain sequence, he loses control of the dark side of the force. His anger and frustration are apparent during such attacks, which leaves him vulnerable. The key to launching these attacks is more powerful weapons and exceptionally capable pilots to carry out the maneuvers.

With the proper funding and testicular fortitude of one General Ireland, we have revamped our defenses and upgraded our weapons, as we are now primed to overthrow the Empire. Much is riding on Captain Jordan's development, as is Ryan Hillwalker.

The young Hillwalker is training well and training hard. The force is rather strong with this one. Joebi Wan Phinobi is teaching Ryan the ways of the quarterback, as is his mentor from his days as a padawan at the Training Academy. Weapons were provided for Hillwalker and his predecessor Chadakin Slowalker, but the days of the Bush Light...Saber, the Millennium Marshall, the Bess Ray, and Chewsaka are long gone.

With the Millennium Marshall one spark away from exploding, we needed a new ship. The Millennium Wallace, capable of hyperspace, should suffice and create a more balanced attack, which we so desperately needed. The ship's ability to warp to such speeds causes lines of defense to back off and use their "safety valves" for containment.

The Bush Light...Saber, while an effective weapon, was not able to cut into the heart of defenses. This was replaced with the Miller Light... Saber (we apparently have a thing for beer at the running back position). The Miller Light... Saber was designed to do everything his predecessor was capable of, with the main upgrade being the ability to cut through the heart of defenses like a light saber through butter.

The Keller Ray will zap it's enemies to a cloud of dust-in a matter of seconds. It is a formidable weapon. It was turned from the dark green side, by Joebi Wan. There has been a slew of other upgrades added to our shields and defensive systems. Will it be enough? Time will tell.

If Hillwalker is not the one, if we do not overthrow the N.E.mpire and if we do not start getting more support in the war by the people of South Flatooine, than the move to the LA galaxy (2,770 light years west of South Flatooine) may become more than mere speculation. Let us not cloud our minds with such thoughts though, and focus on 2013 and watching Hillwalker and this squad grow together and become a FORCE to be reckoned with.

Go Phins! May the force be with us!

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Phinsider's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of The Phinsider writers or editors.

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