FanPost

Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock...

You know it's funny. Every year around the Super Bowl, a small part of me looks forward to the season ending. There are a couple of reasons for this. The first is that I look forward to going back to hanging out with my wife and kids on Sundays, rather than abandoning them for ten hours of bad draft beer and a glutton of honey-barbecue buffalo wings. Also, I really get tired of the dirty looks from the wife every Sunday morning as I run out the door. (The wife, by the way, that once was the girlfriend that swore she would never give me shit about watching football.)

However, by March 1st every year, I remember that:

A. My kids are really needy and annoying.

B. My wife will always find reasons to glare at me, football or not.

So, like abused spouse, I come sprinting back to football, even though we are still not even into FA yet.

Some random thoughts:

-- Let's start with my mock off-season scenario: If I start shitting solid gold bricks in the next few days, I will immediately quit my job and sell my house. I will purchase a bigger house, a vagina-magnet automobile, and some sort of topless gourmet chef to prepare my meals (Preferably female, but negotiable.) I will then track down Jaime Crandall, Les Browns girl, and show her my bank statement and propose. Assuming an affirmative response, I will then text my wife to start packing her shit.

If I do not start shitting Gold bouillon, then I will keep everything pretty much exactly how it is now, job, wife, house and all.

My point? (Yes, there is one.) Mock drafts are really pretty silly right now. Free agency will dictate EVERYTHING going forward. Everything. Ireland could go CB, WR, OLB, DE, TE or Safety with the 12th pick. Hell, depending on how things fall, he may even go left tackle. A scenario that ends with Miami falling off into the ocean under the weight of the fanbases rage. (Even though, it may, just may, be the best option, given the depth of elite talent at that position in this particular draft.) It all will be dictated by the two weeks immediately following March 12th. Until then, what you are reading are not even educated guesses.

Now, I enjoy reading the mock's now as well, but just remember that we have no idea what the teams needs will be come April.

-- I enjoy conspiracy theories. So I'm gonna start one, right now. I believe if Brian Hartline, Jake Long, and Anthony Fasano are not resigned, there is only one reason: Lauren Tannehill is trying to position herself at the top of the Dolphin hot girlfriend/wife totem pole and has Jeff Ireland's attention. This could also be why Les Brown was cut shortly after Ms. Crandalls Hard Knocks debut last year. If I'm right (And there is almost zero chance that I am), Mike Pouncey will be traded in the next few weeks. You heard it here first...

-- I have repeatedly told you that I am no fan of Jeff Ireland. I am also not a big believer in Steven Ross. However, the Fireland crowd is getting really out of hand. I read a few people bitching on Twitter (Can we call that Twitching? Please?) about Ross' "Fanvision" business. It came about when Reggie Bush commented on the Fanvision experience at a soccer match in Spain. Omar Kelly (You know you love him. Admit it.) commented that that was Ross' company. The lynch mob then started complaining that Ross is spending too much time perfecting that business and not worrying about the team on the field. Ridiculous. First of all, none of us want a Jerry Jones owner, so let's not bitch that he should be more involved in personnel decisions. Also, you people have to realize that your front office hatred loses validity when you bitch about nonsense. There are plenty of reasonable things to complain about. Stick to them...

-- I have a question that no football "insider" has answered for me on Twitter, probably because I'm really fucking annoying on Twitter. However, I would love to hear some responses. Why don't the college kids wear full pads at the combine? Wouldn't teams get a more accurate assessment of speed and athletic ability if the athletes were wearing what they will be wearing in the league? I'm sure there is a reasonable answer, I just don't know what it is. Maybe you can help...

-- I get they just won a Super Bowl and all, but, umm, how much for Joe Flacco? Really? OK, good luck with that. I just have a feeling the Ravens are going to regret that kind of deal. I could be wrong, I just don't see Flacco on the same level as a Brady, Manning, Brees, or Rodgers...

That'll do it. I'm off to the Teaneck, NJ public library for a free kids puppet show!!! (Somebody kill me. Please.)

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Phinsider's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of The Phinsider writers or editors.

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