Speculating about free agents and draft picks has grown on me. I used to scowl at the scientific inaccuracy of anything and everything that people hypothesize about (there's about as much chance of a person getting a 7-round mock draft right as it is to win the lottery....twice) and rolled my eyes at the countless mock drafts and what-not that contribute to a heavily-opinionated off-season. I'm starting to come around. I tried to explain to my wife what mock drafts are all about. Here's a typical conversation we would have:
Me: "Looks like the Dolphins are going to take (insert player here)."
Wife: "Oh, what number is he going to wear?"
Me: "Well, we haven't literally drafted him yet, but Todd McShay and a few other Phinsiders think it's going to happen."
Wife: "Todd McShay? Is that the name of a coach?"
Me: "Um, no, I think he was a quarterback for Richmond or something like that."
Wife: "Why do you care about what Todd McShay says?"
Clearly it's hard to explain, but the fact of the matter is that it's fun to theorize about who will be in teal and orange. It gives you endless possibilities of what the 2013 Miami Dolphins team is going to look like. Virtual GM is one of my favorite hobbies, as I can sit from my computer chair, drink endlessly, criticize everyone except myself, and make only the right choices...because if I make a wrong one, no one will remember (hopefully).
My point in writing this article is to conjure up the enthusiasm for the 2013 NFL draft. We will hear enough "insider" and "expert" analysis over the coming weeks that I feel like sparing you on what my actual opinions are because your head will be spinning enough as it is. Even on the Phinsider, there's already an influx of what to do at the WR position, CB, OL, etc. Draft plans, free agency plans, future contingency plans. Let's take a step back, take a deep breath, and wait for the drama to unfold (figuratively, of course, I love all the articles I see on here). This is why I love the current NFL off-season and want nothing more than to keep it the way it is. The NFL draft is a particularly exciting time for me. Unfortunately, it's usually because we stink and it's the beckoning of hope that we are looking for. But all guilt trips aside, I love the draft, even in its new format. My ranking of exciting moments:
1. Birth of my kid.
2. Start of 2013 regular season.
3. Start of 2013 NFL draft.
4. March Madness.
Thursday of the day of the NFL draft: I will get off of work around 6, speed home in my scarcely working Toyota Corolla, sprint to the refrigerator, and crack open my first of approximately 12 beers. I will then be glued to the set, watching Mel Kiper's infinitely immovable hair, and listen to the likes of Adam Schefter, Chris Mortensen, and Todd McShay spout off about their insider knowledge. I will grow tired of this, and I will crack open beer #2. My dog will beg me to take him for a walk - I will ignore him, perfectly OK with a shit-stain on my carpet. I will probably be about 4-5 beers deep before the 1st selection of the draft. Once Dee Milliner is taken, I will chug the rest of my remaining beer and grab #6. Fast forward to the Bills and Jets selection at #8 and #9, and now my antennae is at its most upright position (this is not a penis metaphor). I know I'm within minutes of the Dolphins selection, and certainly there's no guarantee that we don't trade up for someone, but I see it more likely that we stay put or trade down. I want more than anything to stand up out of my chair and scream to the heavens "Thank God we selected this guy!" But I will probably think to myself, "OK, we'll see what happens." Beers number 8-12 will be in response to our aforementioned pick and mildly anticipating trading back into the late 1st round. We probably won't, so I will go to bed.
Friday: I'll go to work the next day, significantly hungover (don't laugh, I'm old now), knowing full well that I will repeat the same process. I will listen to kids get way too loud (I'm a teacher), and then think to myself, "Wait, why did I drink so many beers last night, we only had one pick?" I will promise myself to take it to a new level since we have 4 picks in the 2nd and 3rd rounds, and will drink accordingly. Despite any of my inclinations, I will assume that anybody we pick will turn out to be the best thing since Bahama become a moderator. I will drink accordingly and have a rough, rough night. I will patronize any other AFC East picks and canonize any Miami Dolphins picks, and I will drink a beer for our new WR, CB, OL, my kid, my dog, my wife, fellow Phinsiders, our new helmet, our new stadium, Trey Wingo, the away games I plan on going to, Dan Marino's illegitimate kid, pizza, beer, potato chips, and by that point it's probably time to call it a night.
Saturday: I will at first be enthusiastic about watching each of the picks in the last 4 rounds, but I will probably fall asleep and miss most of the picks. Sigh.
What's your plan?