The Tale of Tom Brandstater - The QB God

Hello fellow phinsider members/lurkers.My name is AnishB15 and I am here to tell the tale of the mighty Brandstater for those who were not here when this phenomenon spread throughout the Dolphins blog of SBNation (and a little bit in the Rams blog, my fault). So, we shall begin our journey after the jump. JUMP!!!

Now that we have all jumped, let us begin...

The beginning, the discovery of a legend

How did this legendary figure first start out? Kdog92 does a great job describing the god's childhood and founding. The full text of his account can be found here. I'll recap some of the main points. The child god started out in California, and was recruited to Fresno St. He sat as a greyshirt and redshirt for the first two years, and was the backup in his third. In his fourth, fifth and sixth year at Fresno St. he started, playing admirably,even being a dark horse Heisman candidate in his final year. Brandstater was ranked as the 5th best QB in the draft (what an injustice!), but his stock plummeted due to a poor (for a god) scouting combine. He was drafted in the 6th round by the Denver Broncos. He served as Kyle Orton's backup in his rookie year, before Denver went QB crazy and traded for Brady Quinn and drafted Tim Tebow. Brandstater was cut and picked up by the Colts. Brandstater and Curtis Painter competed for the backup spot,which was given to Painter even though Brandstater CLEARLY outplayed him. Makes you wonder how good the Colts wouldve been this past year if they chose Brandstater over Painter. Then the phins picked him up, and the real story began.

The evolution, from backup QB, to GOD

Brandstater's evolution started with this post by Gatorfan4life (who does not seem to be active anymore). The legend then evolved through the comments. During training camp, Tony Sparano's stupidity caused him to cut the man-god, as evidenced by this fanshot (read ALL of the comments). Which was followed up by this fanpost by Bserious72. Brandstater was immediately snatched by the Dallas Cowboys (out of all of the crap we took from the cowboys, they just HAVE to go and steal the BEST player the Dolphins have EVER had). he was released by them and picked up by the Rams when the injury bug hit them. I have gone on some missionary trips to their blog to spread the truth, but they seem to not be accepting.

Some Brandstater quotes

"These other QB's are mere sacrifices to the great one"- FinfanfromCA

"The great brandstater eats his kind for breakfast"- AnishB15

"Brandstater is 7 feet tall and consumes DB's with fireballs from his eyes and lightning bolts from his ass"- BravePhin

"Chuck Norris sleeps in a Brandstater jersey"- GradedFintastic

"Brandstater was built in a log cabin that he built with his own hands"- PhrozenPhish

"TB can kill two birds with one stone, and gargle peanut butter (simultaneously i might add)"-PhinnyHenne28

"The Brandstater cannot exist on this mortal coil in his true glorious form. His magnificence would destroy the world"-Souwantmyname

"Brandstater is a god, sent down from the heavens to lead us to glory"-Gatorfan4life

"When Brandstater throws, the ball magically disappears and appears in the receiver's hands"- Kdog

"30% of Tom Brandstater's throws have a 100% change of getting completed"- southfloridamammalsfan


"Tom Branstater does not do push ups, he pushes the world down!!"- 21 Dave

"Dan Marino wishes he'll be like Tom Brandstater when he grows up."- dolger

"When Alexander Graham Bell first used the telephone, he noticed he had 2 missed calls from Tom Branstater"- AlejandroN

"When Brandstater takes a shower, the soap gets clean." Unclefinster

"In college, Tom Brandstater and his team were at their own 1-yard line... and he proceeded to throw a 110 yard TD pass... to HIMSELF"- MikeD954

"Women get pregnant just by Tom entering a room."-dolphinfan4lyfe

"Everyone knows Tom Brandstater's pet rock... he named it "Earth."-Im_an_F18_bro

"Every time Tom Branstater goes for a swim. Dolphins appear. (even in the pool)"-naf snihplod

"Brandstater does not need to murder, He simply stares at someone, and their body spontaniously erupts in a ball of flame"- AnishB15

"Tom Brandstater can eat a hot dog backwards,Tom Brandstater clogs the toilet when he pees, Tom Brandstater can throw a pass into the back of your face" - Little Nicky 21

"Tom Brandstater can throw a football 100 yards….TO HIMSELF!" -MikeD954

"Tom Brandstater Can use the first overall pick on a kicker and still be applauded" - The big Brickk

"Tom Brandstater can return a fair catch for a touchdown." - NJ13

"Tom Brandstater once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves" - NJ13

"Spartans never die...... they visit Tom Brandstater for advice" - the big Brickk

"Tom Brandstater Played Qb for the Baltimore Orioles and took them to the Stanley cup finals, Defeating the Golden state warriors and winning the Fifa World Cup for Zimbabwe" - the big Brickk

" When you see the light at the end of the tunnel, its not god, it's Tom Brandstater, and hes going to kick you back down the tunnel and tell you to try it again" - the big brickk

Feel free to add more below, these are just a few.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Phinsider's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of The Phinsider writers or editors.

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