FanPost

A tribute to Bill Parcells

I don't know why I am doing this. For one, he's been gone for a year now. I'm just feeling strange (not the Strange) and had it on my mind. Yeah, don't ask what is on my mind. I don't even know. Just don't expect me to do this again... ever! Below is a tribute to Bill Parcells, but it's a remix of Weird Al's Amish Paradise.

As I walk to my office where coaches pick my brain
I take a look at my playbook and realize it's very plain
But that's just perfect for a coach like me
You know I shun things like creativity

At 4:30 in the mornin' I'm scouting the trenches
Lookin' at film and to see how much Long benches
And I've been using this system so long that
Even Al Davis thinks my style is gone

I'm a man of the trenches, I'm into linemen
Drafting the guy that benches, forget about Ryan
But if I finish my scouting report, and you finish thine.
Then tomorrow we're going to draft like it's 1989.

We've been spending most our lives living in a Linemen paradise.
I spurn QBs once or twice, living in a Linemen paradise.
It's the TE prospect we sacrifice, living in a Linemen paradise.
We sign WRs at discount price, living in a Linemen paradise.

A former coached kick my butt last week
I just smiled at him, and I said his line was really weak
I really don't care, in fact I'll buy him beers.
Because I'll be out of this city in three more years

But I ain't ever drafted a QB even if he deserved it
A stubborn coach like me, you know that's unheard of
I never draft receivers, but I get defensive linemen
And my coaches agree they'll look good in aqua, fool

If you come to a game, you'll be throwin' beers
We haven't won at home in 2 ½ years
But we ain't really flashy, so please don't point and stare
We're just creatively impaired

There's no receivers, no quarterbacks, no one with agility
Like Robonson Crusoe, we're as primitive as can be

We've been spending most our lives living in a Linemen paradise.
We just draft those heavy guys, living in a Linemen paradise.
There's no need for Ted Ginn or Ray Rice, living in a Linemen paradise.
We're afraid to roll the dice, living in a Linemen paradise.

Scoutin' up the heavyweights, lookin' at a center
Drafted a dude named Pouncey, next we'll sign his brother
Think you're really fast? Think you're really smart?
Well, we'll run that ball right up the heart

I'm the Big Tuna little coaches want to be like
In my golf cart day and night ruining our rookies for life
So don't blow a gasket, let off some steam
Or else I might have to draft another guard for the team

We've been spending most our lives living in a Linemen paradise.
Draft day will make your eyes bleed, living in a Linemen paradise.
We'll be looking for the usual seeds, living in a Linemen paradise.
We neglect our other needs, living in a Linemen paradise.
Yeah

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Phinsider's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of The Phinsider writers or editors.

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