The Miatrix Pt. 1 (scroll down for pt. 2)
Shermanity: I know why you're here, Dolphans. I know what you've been doing... why you hardly sleep, why you live day to day lost, and why night after night, you sit by your computer viewing The Phinsider. You're looking for him. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn't really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It's the question that drives us, Dolphans. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did.
Dolfans: Who will be the next "one"?
Shermanity: The answer is out there, Dolphans, and it's looking for you, and it will find you if you want it to. .... Hmm? Tumbling down the rabbit hole? Losing your perception of what is real and what is not? Have you become numb from the realization? You may be asking yourself- What realization? That you can't just make any QB into the "one." You have been searching. I believe we are close.
Shermanity: If you want some answers you must come with me Phinatics. We must go visit Joepheus.
Joepheus: At last, welcome Dolphans. As you have no doubt have guessed, I am Joepheus.
Dolfan: It's an honor to meet you.
Joepheus: No, the honor is mine.
Joepheus: Feeling a bit like Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole? I can tell. You look like fans that accept what they see because they expect to wake up. Ironically this is not far from the truth. Before we proceed you must make a choice. You go with Matt Moore and things go back to the way they were. You're a team that can compete, but you know that if QB's like Brees and Rodgers couldn't do it this year- What chance does Moore have? Or you go with someone else and stay in wonderland to see how deep the rabbit hole goes.
Dolfan: I choose the blue pill (the various options at QB that we are entertaining)
The MIAtrix Pt. 2
Last time, we were confronted by Joepheus. He asked us to make a choice. Dolfans overwhelmingly chose the blue pill (a QB not named Moore). There's no turning back from here. This is the point of no return.
Dolfans live two lives. By day, we are hard working citizens. We go to our jobs, live honest lives, and pay our taxes (cough). By night, we are scouts. We scour the internet in search of the "one." We are plugged in to the "system" and can't escape it's irresistible grasp. Our minds have been imprisoned in this artificial reality.
Joepheus: Dolfans, I'm going to set you free. You must free your minds. Just let go. Search your mind and you will discover what it is you are looking for. Marino was the previous "one." The last "one" had all of the potential in the world, but where he failed, our next "one" must succeed.
Now, Dolfans, we must go to the Oracle. He is very old, but he's been with us since the beginning. Do you know who I am talking about?
Joepheus: Yes. Off we go.
J-Lo: (Opens door) Dolfans, right on time. Joepheus, please make yourself at home.
Shula: Welcome Dolfans, don't worry about the trophy.
Dolfan: What trophy? (Knocks over Superbowl trophy) Sorry.
Shula: I told you not to worry about it, I have another one. Do you know why your here?
Dolfan: Because we're looking for the "one"?
Shula: Bingo! Dolfans, I have some good news and some bad news.
Dolfan: What's the bad news?
Shula: You won't win the Superbowl next year.
Dolfan: Ok, what' the good news?
Shula: I just saved $100 on car insurance by switching to Geico. Haha, no but seriously, the good news is you will add the "one" to your roster this off season who will lead you there in the future.
I know, I know. Not the best news in the world, but it could be worse. I'll tell you what. Eat these shrooms. By the time you finish eating them I promise you'll feel better. You'll remember you don't believe in all of this fate nonsense. You're in control. Remember?
Dolfan: (knocks back a handful of shrooms)
(30 min. later)
Dolfan: Hey Joepheus, I think I'm in the Matrix right now!
Joepheus: No Dolfans, you're just trippin'.
(3 hours later)
Joepheus: Listen up Dolfans. What I'm about to tell you can save your lives. If coaches and players in the NFL are a part of the system, agents are an anomaly, a deviation from the common rule. We don't know what they look like, who and where they are. They can be anybody. They monitor the system...financially. They are our greatest threat. The better the player, the more money the agent demands. This can cause an overload on salary cap restraints.
Dolfan: "The snozberries taste like snozberries!"
Joepheus: I have forgotten that you were still trippin. I guess I should have realized that when I saw you plug yourself into the "getting in touch with nature" program. We shall reconvene at a later point in time to further discuss your training.
Hope you guys enjoyed!