Phin Wars Episode I: The Phandom Presence



I figured that since we have been on the topic of "how we got to where we are" for the last couple of days that I'd take a shot at it. Of course, with a Star Wars twist. Seeing as how my last post got booed off stage, as "the people" demanded for more Phin Wars, I decided I must continue. Come to think of it, now I  know how Chadakin felt during the Orton chants. I can hear it now: "We want Phin Wars, We want Phin Wars."

Well, here we are at 0-3. Slowalker has shown promise, but he hasn't had much support. Why is it that last year he looked like a back-up jedi, while the defense was solid, and this year it's the opposite? Only in Miami! 

Last time, 

The Empire deployed attack after attack, including a Welker Bomb. It was a bomb that could only travel 99 yards but it caused devastation on impact. Many would consider this the "end zone," or in other words, where your attempt at success ends. 

With the last line of defense still in tact, Miami surrendered in retreat. Chadakin was disappointed but had given the Miami Rebel Alliance a glimpse of what is to come. Grown his powers have. Jedi he will become. He must pass the QB trials of the next 14 weeks before the council grants him the title "Master QB" Chadakin Slowalker. In 14 weeks he will have trained even more and will be ready to travel to the frozen wasteland of Foxboroth with a defense that will back him up this time. 

That battle was a painful battle to watch. Many members of the rebellion still have tears streaming. We burn from these red eyes, not to be confused with pink eye. Some one pass me some Visine, I just ran out.


Preface: (scrolling paragraphs floating through space)

The first battle unfolded with devastation for Miami. The following week our defense crumbled under the pressure of another high-powered fleet (Houston). Now, we must make repairs to our ships and rehabilitate the injured. Our shields (o-line) have taken damage and must regenerate in time for next Sunday.

While in this phase of rebuilding, the generals and highest ranked officers gathered around and reformed a plan of attack. They discussed the early days of Miami's dominance and how they achieved it.

This is the story of Phin Wars Episode I: The Phandom Presence   

About 40 years ago, in a galaxy...close, close and near....

In 1966 we joined the NFL as an expansion fleet. As nearly all expansion fleets do, the Phins struggled, as they couldn't achieve a winning season for their first four seasons. This was the case until 1970, when Supreme Chancellor Don "Fins" Shulorum joined the Miami franchise. As a proven winner, he had many to back him up in those early days.

The fans' presence was strong for the Phins. Just four years after the creation of our fleet, Shulorum took the reigns. During this period, Miami wasn't the rebellion. By 1971, they were the leaders, the class of the AFC East quadrant, the...Empire. So, how did this spiral into mediocrity happen? How were we once the class of the AFC East?

The council begun their discussions:

First, I'd like to shed some light on acquisitions such as Hall of Famer Nick Buoniconti from the Boston Patriots. "Sounds like a modern day trading of one Wesley Welker, impact wise," Ireland blurted. During that campaign we also acquired Hall of Famer, Guard, Larry Little from the Chargers. Point being, we had an eye for talent. 

We acquired a Head Mentor that went on to be the most winning mentor in NFL history. There was a sense of pride among the fans. The stadium was packed, the fans were cheering, and the Phins were winning. During this session, Ireland broke down and cried, as he ran out of the room screaming "I HATE Tuna!" 

The council reconvened after a short recess. The now composed Ireland expressed that maybe balance is currently unobtainable. "If history has shown us anything, it is that their is always some unbalance in the force. The way it is balanced out is over time, not all at once." This explains why there are shifts in power that occur, but they usually take place per decade or so.

What Mr. Ireland had to say made sense. Look at Buffalo for instance. We may be witnessing a shift before our very eyes. Miami was great for a long time. We had a great run. Through 26 years with Miami, Shulorum's Dolphins experienced only two campaigns below a .500 battle record. Shulorum's fleets reached the playoffs 20 times in 33 years and his teams won at least 10 games, 21 times. 

This doesn't mean we won't return to superiority. All I'm saying is it may take time. It's truly only been about 8 years of mediocrity (2000:11-5, 2001: 11-5, 2002: 9-7, 2003: 10-6,). Since 2004, we are 45-67. That's a short span of losing compared to the long span of winning we have experienced and quite frankly, taken for granted. Some fleets haven't even won a Super Bowl. 

Chadakin's powers are growing. I sense the young padawan moving in the right direction. This campaign is still young enough to salvage. One more loss and I won't necessarily still feel this way, but I don't put any blame on the shoulders of Slowalker. His Bush Light...Saber is flat. The Millennium Marshall is one spark away from exploding. Cameron "sacks QB's by his" Solo is doing just that, he is the lone sack-artist on our squad. Finally, our shields (o-line) can't provide any protection.

Put the blame on the a)players, b) the coaches, or c) the fans.

Maybe d) all of the above. The truth is, nobody likes to lose, but no team can win without their fans behind them.


Sorry guys, no top 5 this time. I didn't have much to work with. But in place of the top 5, I present to you an image of the epic battle between Darth Hoody and Chadakin Slowalker. Photobucket

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Phinsider's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of The Phinsider writers or editors.

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