Future Hall-of-Famer Brett Favre played so long that he racked up more NFL records than any other quarterback including most completed passes, most thrown yards and longest consecutive starts at an impossibly impossible 297. But there are downsides to being ageless and unkillable. For example, Brett watched three of his urologists die of old age and in his desperation he started texting pictures of his penis to friends. During his long, long career, Brett also accumulated some unwanted records. He has more fumbles than any player that will ever play (166). He threw more interceptions than any player will ever throw (336). He lost more post-season games than any quarterback will ever lose (11). He was sacked 525 times, and that's not entirely his fault, but no one will fucking beat that, ever. That's nine more than John Elway took and Elway didn't give a shit. When John Elway is standing in lava with a football, he will stay there and sink until you're open. If Weekend at Bernie's 3 was set in the NFL, it would be less stupidly gruesome than a future quarterback trying to break Brett Favre's Number of Times Sacked record.