Phin Wars Episode VI: We Burn from the Red Eyes

Last time on Phin Wars:

-We learned of the recruitment of Ocho Fett, a trophy hunter, acquired by the Empire.

-We questioned if Obi Wan Dabolli's training would channel Chadakin's inner-jedi. 

-We discussed what it would take to destroy the Death Star. 

This is Phin Wars Episode VI: We Burn from the Red Eyes, where we discover the answers to some of these burning questions. This is where we left off... 

Recently, the Miami Rebellion has acquired some powerful allies and dangerous weapons of their own. The pieces seem to be in place now. Chewsaka, the impolite and frequently aggressive Wookie has departed, but our fleet is still strong. Upgraded weapons and strong allies such as the Bess Ray, the Millennium Marshall, the defensive force Cameron "Sacks QB's By His" Solo, the return of Taylor-Calrissian and Chadakin's newest weapon, the Bush Light...Saber. Sufficient enough? For a Master QB, this would be.

We shall patiently wait until Monday to find out if Obi-Wan Dabolli's training has payed off and improved young Chadakin's ways of quarterback. This will be Slowalkers first true test of the long, treacherous NFL season. This is where I leave you my friends. It is up to Chadakin to write the rest of the epic Phin Wars story. The fate of the franchise rests in that throwing arm of his. May the force be with you Chad! 

Phin Wars Episode VI: We Burn from the Red Eyes

A short time ago, in our own galaxy, close, close and near...

The Miami Rebel Alliance or code name Mr. A, gathered a strong fleet of ships and upgraded their weapons. This was in hopes of destroying the Death Star and putting an end to the Empire's reign of superiority.

Time has passed and Chadakin had trained hard but still wasn't a Master QB. Something was different about him though. With his training only partially completed, he decided to confront Darth Hoody and give him a chance to change his evil ways.

The conversation went as follows:

"You have lied, cheated, and stolen. You've stolen signals from other ships and used them to your advantage, you take other squadrons' members and recruit them as your own and finally, you think your sith don't stink. Well, I have news for you buddy, it stinks. Sure you have won 3 super bowls, but you're overconfidence is your weakness. Hoody then replied, "you're faith in your squad mates is yours." 

Darth Hoody tempted Chadakin to give in to his anger and join the dark side of the force. Hoody, ever so manipulatively, chanted "we want Orton, we want Orton, we want Orton." Chadakin was frustrated by this, as it brought back bad memories. Hoody recognized his frustration and relished the opportunity to turn Slowalker to the dark side. Hoody told Chadakin, "Good, give in to your frustration, give in to your doubters."Slowalker refused to give in and before Darth Hoody could attack, he quickly escaped and was swooped up by the Millennium Marshall.

Chadakin studied the plans for destroying the Death Star and trained rigorously with Obi Wan Dabolli. He wanted to prove his doubters that he could become a Master QB. His opportunity to prove himself was quickly approaching. This is what he was training for. This was his purpose. Bringing balance to the AFC East is Chadakin's destiny. 

Darth Hoody and captain of the Death Star, Grand Moff Brady, positioned their ship over the hot, humid planet of South FLAttooine, where the Miami Rebel Alliance (Mr. A) called home base. Many would swear that South FLAttoine had two suns, but it's been confirmed, by looking up, that there is in fact only one. But I digress...

"It is done," Brady said to Hoody. "We are in position, the shields are up and the lasers are fully charged." The battle had officially begun at 7:00 pm on a muggy September night in South FLAttooine. Many were in attendance, parked in their ships from afar, in the "no laser zone," to watch the brutality. 

The Miami Rebellion made the first move, as young Chadakin Slowalker orchestrated a methodical and effective attack that damaged the Death Star's shields. This powerhouse of a ship quickly regenerated it's shields and moved into attack mode. They struck back and took out our first row of defense. Relentless waves of attacks followed. The Empire quickly and effectively went through our defensive system, like a knife through butter. While the Chadakin led attacks seemed to be quite effective, the Miami defenses could not hold. 

They deployed attack after attack, including a Welker Bomb. It was a bomb that could only travel 99 yards but it caused devastation on impact. Many would consider this the "end zone," or in other words, where your attempt at success ends. 

With the last line of defense still in tact, Miami surrendered in retreat. Chadakin was disappointed but had given the Miami Rebel Alliance a glimpse of what is to come. Grown his powers have. Jedi he will become. He must pass the QB trials of the next 14 weeks before the council grants him the title "Master QB" Chadakin Slowalker. In 14 weeks he will have trained even more and will be ready to travel to the frozen wasteland of Foxboroth with a defense that will back him up this time. 

That battle was a painful battle to watch. Many members of the rebellion still have tears streaming. We burn from these red eyes, not to be confused with pink eye. Some one pass me some Visine, I just ran out.

Oh and I almost forgot... May the force be with you! 

As always, these were what I considered to be your greatest hits from Phin Wars Episode V: The Empire Signs Chad/ Prelude to a Battle. Thanks for reading!

#5 By Strange

Chadakin Slowalker sucks!! the rebellion won’t win more than 4-5 battles this year with him flying that x-wing!


His accuracy and placement on his proton torpedoes is terrible! He never hits the thermal exhaust port in stride!! He couldn’t do it back home in the Michigan system, and its only your rebellion colored glasses that make you think he can change that now. Also, He just can’t feel the force. "It" is just not strong with this one.

Yodarino used to Bull’s Eye womp rats back home from his T-16. 
Admiral Sporakbar is "far too trusting" in keeping this guy around!


#4 By Strange 

besides, if you think Wedge-E Bush is going to solve his problems you're nuts


He is always leaving the battlefield saying "I’m hit! I can’t stay with you.". It’s the story of his career.


#3 By Flip-her

"In our own Solar System... close, close and near (very clever Flip and thanks for the idea)


#2 By DolfanVince86


What is the best tactic in attacking Rexa the Hut’s famous defense?

The answer is in our newest weapon, the Bush Light… Saber.

The Bush Light… Saber is simply too fast for Rexa to attack in his traditional style. He is going to be forced to recalibrate his weapons systems, otherwise he will be attacking air where the Bush Light… Saber used to be.

This will allow us to employ the Bess Ray to its fullest extent. And perhaps most importantly, with Rexa’s defense recalibrated, the Millenium Marshall will fly all over the enemy secondary with ease.


#1 I'm_an_F18_bro said 

I see us exploiting Rexa's two weaknesses by attaching a GD sandwich to a tow cable (toe cable) and running circles around him.



Check out this link. It’s relating Star Wars and football. Calling Tom Brady a Jedi. WTF!!! hahaha

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Phinsider's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of The Phinsider writers or editors.

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