Once upon a time the Miami Dolphins used to play to win. That is, until they started to "Suck for Luck." The strategy this year was to start Henne, have him fake a season ending injury, and replace him with Moore. After Moore moved up the depth chart, we were able to convincingly suck. The front office ever-so-cleverly planted this seed, so their plan to tank the season would go unnoticed. Seems as though the jig is up. The media has caught on.
Before I move on, I'd like to dissect the anatomy of Project "Suck for Luck. The question became, "What are the blueprints to discretely building a loser?" Here is the checklist Ireland, Sparano, and Ross formed.
- Improve the defense personnel wise and have them give an effort, but offer bonuses to those who play hard for 3 quarters and then "forget" how to defend.
Why it worked: This brilliant tactic worked because we made it seem as though we were trying to improve but yet we still suck! The hard fought 3/4's of games allow us to fly under the radar of "intentional defeat." We truly do not give our front office enough credit.
- Hire the Browns O.C. from a year ago.
Why it worked: The Browns were terrible on offense last year.
So you see, our front office planned to tank this season before week one was even played.
- Have your 2nd string QB start for the majority of the season
Why it worked: Henne refused to play as pathetic as the rest of the team, therefore they pulled the plug on Henne's season by forcing him to fake an injury or else he would take a huge pay cut. We know how that turned out. They called it a season ending injury, which allowed us to start an even worse QB. So far the front office has everything going according to plan.
- Have Marshall only drop TD passes.
- Run Bush between the tackles
These have worked brilliantly for obvious reasons.
So you see, this is not a conspiracy I am trying to shed light on. There is overwhelming evidence that we are purposely trying to lose. The front office really put forth major efforts in order to make losses just seem like, well, losses.
Now, back to where I left off. The jig is up. The media has questioned our motives and if we are tanking this season so we can be the front runners in the "Andrew Luck Sweepstakes." Well media, we are. You caught us. According to one source, "It may be time to implement a draft lottery in the NFL." Fortunately for us, we'll have Luck before that happens.
To all the other teams out there that suck. We are going to Suck for Luck. The rest of you should start Whiffin' for Griffin or Get Powned to Get Jones etc... Good Luck losing more convincingly then us! After all, we planned for this the entire off-season. One thing I still don't understand is why the media didn't the call out the Lions for "Lose for Suh"? Why is it all of a sudden "Suck for Luck?" The Dolphins have been struggling for a long time now just like the Lions were, so why would we purposely be such a lousy team? WE WERE ALREADY LOUSY! 1-15, the miraculous 11-5, 7-9,7-9...Need I say more?
If you're wondering what inspired this write up, check this out.