Phin Wars Episode VII: The Fall of Chadakin Speedwalker

What's this? An episode VII? That's right folks. I've decided to give it another go. In Episode I, we touched up on Dolphins' history, but we are making a light speed jump back to the present in Episode VII. 

Last time,

They (N.E.) deployed attack after attack, including a Welker Bomb. It was a bomb that could only travel 99 yards but it caused devastation on impact. Many would consider this the "end zone," or in other words, where your attempt at success ends. 

With the last line of defense still in tact, Miami surrendered in retreat. Chadakin was disappointed but had given the Miami Rebel Alliance a glimpse of what is to come. Grown his powers have. Jedi he will become. He must pass the QB trials of the next 14 weeks before the council grants him the title "Master QB" Chadakin Slowalker. In 14 weeks he will have trained even more and will be ready to travel to the frozen wasteland of Foxboroth with a defense that will back him up this time. 

That battle was a painful battle to watch. Many members of the rebellion still have tears streaming. We burn from these red eyes, not to be confused with pink eye. Some one pass me some Visine, I just ran out.

Phin Wars Episode VII: The Rise Fall of Chadakin Speedwalker

The new and improved Chadakin Slow Speedwalker looked promising at times during his brief 2011 campaign. But then again, hasn't that always been the case? "Flashes of brilliance" have pretty much been all we've seen. Captains of other ships manage to consistently fight throughout the entire battle and not fizzle out. We've seen young Captain Stafford, Newton, Fitzpatrick, and a whole slew of veterans keeping their squads relevant. All the while, Miami seems to be getting passed by. Nowhere is this more apparent than in our on division. 

Mistakes, carelessness, unmotivated pilots, bad execution, and swiss cheese for shields are a few characteristics of this squad. How have things gone so terribly wrong? Why is it that the media saw this and we didn't? I didn't understand how anybody saw this squad regressing from the previous year, but obviously they were right. 

Obi Wan Dabolli's training was an improvement over the "dark one," Henning, but Dabolli has made some questionable calls in the red zone. We have the ability to move the ball on anyone in this league, and I mean ANYONE, but we can't find our way into the end zone. The amount of points we have left on the field is sickening. 

Now, on to the star of our show, Chadakin Speedwalker. Greatly improved, Chadakin was taking some good shots, making some quick and decisive maneuvers with his ship, and was utilizing the Millennium Marshall the way it was designed to be. Slowly, these positives unraveled, as the Millennium Marshall was malfunctioning and dropping bombs unexpectedly. Our defenses couldn't hold, as fleet after fleet plowed through us. Our shields couldn't protect our captain's ship, thus, causing a weakened attack, full of other fleet's defenses deflecting lasers from Chadakin.

Defeat after defeat, it seemed like the 2011 campaign couldn't get any worse. Then a communication breakdown took place and Chadakin's ship took damage. He sped up as the shields collapsed and he moved out in front of them, as he put himself in a vulnerable position. The enemy's defense Charged at Chadakin's ship and shot him down. He was officially Dolphinished. During the crash, Speedwalker injured his shoulder and was lost forever in the rubble : ( The force is mediocre with this one. 

With any Luck ; ) the Phins will be back next year with a new captain, general, screw it, let's clean out the Front Office Council.  


Just like to finish up with this... I usually like to keep these stories upbeat and funny, even with all the negativity. It was a challenge to do so with how pathetic this team is playing right now. I merely reflect what I see when writing these stories. 

Here are my top 5 favorite comments of yours from Episode I. Enjoy! 

#5 by AnishB15 

Chadakin needs a new last name, he’s not walking very slow anymore.

#4by ShadyMDUK 

Darth Hoody: "Chadforth… I AM your father….

"Slowalker: "Nooooooo….." Throws a pick six still crying out in anguish.

#3 by DolfanVince86

PhinnyFromItaly, I wanted to share a few notes I read from the New England Galactic Tribune:
A few notes from the recent battle between Darth Hoodie’s Patriots and the Dolphins:

Chadakin Slowalker appears to have upgrades his legs! These new, possibly titanium appendages are much more nimble and quick.

The Bush Light… Saber is a truly fabulous weapon. However, the Miami Commanders appear to be attempting to stab this small, nimble saber into the middle of the defense, where it is densest. 

On the subject of the Miami Commanders, it appears that Obi Wan Daboli and Sparano the Hutt were in disagreement throughout the contest. It seems that Obi Wan Daboli was suggesting an attempt to attack the outside of the defense with the Bush Light… Saber. Sparano flatly refused.



#2 by Fintastic47  

but the Hoodie should be the emperor and Brady should be the Darth one, after all they are in the same family "Michigan"…..


#1 by phatfinfan 

You should have a picture of a dolphin cheerleader bending over and jason taylor standing behind her saying "that’s no moon…that’s a space station!


This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Phinsider's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of The Phinsider writers or editors.

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