Hello again friends and welcome to the second issue of "The Weekly Zoologist. Im up way to late tonight studying for two exams in the morning and I need a break so Ill go ahead and release this issue a bit early. Once again if you have no idea about this feature you can see last week's issue here, which also has links to Vol. 1 of last year.
This weeks issue will be focusing on the differences betwwen the manly creatures known as dolphins and those sissy things known as jets. As always comments are very welcome (especially complements and recs) and please enjoy.
Dolphin Fact of the Week #1: Dolphins sleep with one eye open.
Well thats just horrifying. The site I linked to explains that Dolphins actually keep half of their brain fully conscious while they sleep so that they are able to breath. If a Dolphin didn't do this they would probably drown (I say probably because we all know that Dolphins are immortal vampires that can't be killed or hurt). What the article fails to mention is that the REAL reason they sleep with one eye open is so they can continue their daytime horror well into the night and mercilessly beat and kill any living creature who is stupid enough to get near them.
Dolphin Fact of the Week #2: Dolphins routinely have their way with Mermaids.
And whatever else they feel like for that matter. Mermaids, as you all know, are the odd combo of some sort of fish and a really hot human girl (and yet still insanely tantalizing). Mermaids live in the oceans and as it turns out there favorite thing to "lie" with is a dolphin. And why not? Dolphins kick so much ass they make Chuck Norris and Superman look like little girls who have soiled themselves. Not only that but their umm...babymaker is 12 INCHES LONG and apparently lifts weights.
Every Mermaid's fantasy.
Opponent Mascot Fail of the Week: Ummmm.....yeah....
It doesn't even matter who your mascot is. If your QB looks like a cross between a the lead character of "Dudewatch" and this guy, you automatically fail in every way possible. But I guess its not all lost. At least the people representing them dont look like hobos, child molesters, or tubs of lard. Oh wait. They do? Nevermind.
So when's the baby due Rex?
Bonus Opponent Mascot Fail of the Week: Wait. That's not a jet.
Anyone else notice that there's no actual "jet" anywhere on this teams logo? Well since this is about mascots, and no ACTUAL jet is anywhere on this teams decal, I guess they're mascot is this....thing. Mmmm. Lovely. Thats exactly who I want representing MY TEAM. A drunk, semi retarded fan who gets into stupid fights with fans of teams from HIS OWN CITY. Yup. I want that guy sporting my team's jersey at all times.
On a positive note, at least I feel slightly intimidated.
UP NEXT: Look for Issue 3 next week featuring our beloved mascot against this. Until next time.