A Mock Draft for Fun

So I'm bored at work today as all of my current projects are on hold at the moment, so I thought I would post this as something kinda funny as a break from all the serious draft talk. Before I get into it, I have to give full credit for this idea to BigBlueIntervention from over at Mocking the Draft. He put up a post about this last week that I thought was pretty funny, so I thought it might be interesting to see what kind of results I got.

The basic premise is what the 1st round of the draft would look like if the 32 top prospects names were randomly pulled out of a hat instead of each team picking their own players. Since I am at work and not allowed to wear a hat, I assigned each player a number and used a random number generator for the picks. Hell, it can't be any worse than letting Al Davis make everyone's picks. This is just for fun and in no way serious, I just thought it would be a good change of pace while we wait for the draft.

1. St. Louis Golden Tate, WR - This pick instantly transforms the Rams WR corps into a feared unit that will make opposing DBs tremble. Too bad they won't get a chance to prove it as the Rams don't have a QB to get the ball to them.
   
2. Detroit Kyle Wilson, CB - The Lions improve their secondary with the thought process that taking sacks will make Matthew Stafford a tougher guy.
   
3. Tampa Bay Trent Williams, OT - The Bucs don't really need another Warren Sapp as long as they can protect Josh Freeman.
   
4. Washington Jimmy Clausen, QB - One that actually makes some sense as it's obvious the Redskins have no faith whatsoever in Jason Campbell.
   
5. Kansas City Anthony Davis, OT - Gotta protect Matt Cassel you know. If he goes down they can't fully complete the transformation into the Kansas City Junior Patriots.
   
6. Seattle Jerry Hughes, DE/OLB - Matt Hasselbeck still has it right? Why worry about a replacement while he's still here?
   
7. Cleveland Mike Iupati, OG/OT - Because guard is the biggest thing wrong with the Browns.
   
8. Oakland Eric Berry, FS - Al actually makes a decent pick for a change, which subsequently causes the heads of all Oakland fans to explode in amazement.
   
9. Buffalo Carlos Dunlap, DE - Aaron Maybin didn't work out too well last year, so the Bills decide to throw him to the curb and start over instead of waiting for him to develop.
   
10. Jacksonville Bryan Baluga, OT - I guess they aren't too confident in Eugene Monroe.
    
11. Denver Sean Weatherspoon, LB - He will be mentored by last year's sack leader and during the offseason can still earn cash by continuing to be an Elvis impersonator. I know it was a bad pun, sue me.
    
12. Miami Gerald McCoy, DT - Well, we get ourselves a DT, now we just gotta hope he can make it as a NT.
    
13. San Francisco Joe Haden, CB - Actually, this one isn't that unplausable. The 49ers could use some help here.
    
14. Seattle Rolando McClain, ILB - Obviously LBs are the weakest point of the Seahawks team.
    
15. New York Giants Jared Odrick, DT - Again, this one kind of works out for the Giants, although LB might be a bigger need for them.
    
16. Tennessee Sam Bradford, QB - Clearly Vince Young hasn't proven that he can lead this team to the postseason yet, so he gets to head back to the bench.
    
17. San Francisco Derrick Morgan, DE - Why draft a DE? Can't Patrick Willis play DE and ILB both?
    
18. Pittsburgh Everson Griffen, DE - James Harrison and LaMarr Woodley must be overrated and obviously aren't good enough by themselves.
    
19. Atlanta Bruce Campbell, OT - Their pass rush was monstrous last year, so this pick is purely for depth.
    
20. Houston Ndamukong Suh, DT - A bit of a reach here, but will allow Mario Williams to unleash his full power and ascend to the level of Super Saiyan.
    
21. Cincinnati Dan Williams, NT - Is his criminal record long enough to meet the team requirements?
    
22. New England Brandon Graham, DE/OLB - A shot of youth into the defense, his first year duties will be to listen to the old guys talk about how in their day they had to play defense in the snow, uphill both ways.
    
23. Green Bay Dez Bryant, WR - How is he supposed to get the ball when Aaron Rodgers is getting sacked every other play?
    
24. Philadelphia Russell Okung, OT - They can get along fine without a replacement linbacker right?
    
25. Baltimore CJ Spiller, RB - I can't even think of a funny line to put in here. The Ravens with Ray Rice, CJ Spiller, and Anquan Boldin just flat out scare me.
    
26. Arizona Jason Pierre-Paul, DE - Who needs to replace Boldin anyway?
    
27. Dallas Earl Thomas, FS - A good pick by Dallas, so I'll just say that I'm waiting for Jerry Jones to make stadium employees wear the black technician uniforms that they used on the Death Star.
    
28. San Diego Maurkice Pouncey, OG/OT - Nose tackle isn't that important is it?
    
29. New York Jets Taylor Mays, FS - To paraphrase BigBlueIntervention (although he said it about a different player), this will be a big upgrade to a weak secondary.
    
30. Minnesota Jermaine Gresham, TE - Visanthe Shiancoe showed that he obviously isn't up to the task of catching passes from Brett motherf'ing Favre.
    
31. Indianapolis Charles Brown, OT - Peyton Manning obviously doesn't have good enough protection. I mean, he got hurried and threw that interception in the Super Bowl right? And the infallible Mr. Polian said that the o-line didn't execute well and that is what lost the Colts that game.
    
32. New Orleans Brian Price, DT - The Saints defense showed that they couldn't hold it together for thye whole year. I mean, they lost 3 whole games, back to the drawing board!