Ten out of 12 experts favour Pittsburgh to win today….sounds like toothpaste commercial. Up until recently that kind of overwhelming analysis just meant, as far as I was concerned that 10 of 12 experts were going to have to explain why they were wrong.
As a Dolphin fan it just seemed automatic that you declare your support by announcing to anyone concerned, and many who weren’t, that despite the expert forecast the Dolphins were going to win. That was before I came here and was introduced to the "Realistic Approach" to being a fan.
Under the RA you can publicly say "I believe (fill in the blank) will win, but I’m still hoping for the Dolphins." The great thing about this, according to the practitioners of RA, is it doesn’t mean you’re less of a fan than you were if you just blindly said you think the Phish will win every week. Even better you come off as a smarter football fan because you’re being objective, rather than emotional; you’ve put some thought into who’s going to win the game.
I’m here to tell you this is f***ing brilliant. You can’t lose if you apply RA. You’re either right, and we all love being right or the Dolphins win and we all love it when the Dolphins win. It’s foolproof. I’ve decided to ditch my simplistic emotional approach to supporting my team regardless of the opponent and I’m jumping into the world of RA with both feet.
In fact, I’ve become such a devotee of the RA I’ve started looking for other ways to apply it. There are some many occasions in life where people feel they have to make an absolute commitment and many of us find these occasions stressful. The RA is the answer to all your problems, if like me, you’ve felt the pressure of backing what your heart tells you to do rather than what your brain objectively tells you makes more sense.
Say you find your self in court. You wouldn’t have to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. You could just say enough that no-one, including yourself got into trouble. Even better you could get an RA lawyer from Slide, Loophole and Dodge. "Realistically Your Honour and I’m being objective here, my client is completely at fault in this case but if by some miracle you want to let him off, I’d be really happy."
Better yet how about an RA style marriage…we could really save a lot of stress and money if we all jumped on that train.
Do you GROOM'S NAME take BRIDE'S NAME to be your wife to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony?
Will you love her (as much as you can), comfort her (as long as it’s not too much effort) , honor and keep her (within reason of course) , in sickness (except, like if it’s something terminal or really contagious) and in health, for richer (damn right!), for poorer (define poorer), for better, for worse (first bit fo sho, the second would depend), in sadness and in joy (same but reverse them), to cherish (maybe not in public though) and continually bestow upon her your heart’s deepest devotion (sorry – should have crossed that part out), forsaking all others (well, let’s be reasonable here – if someone hotter, or with more money, or later on younger comes along I’d be an idiot not to jump), keep yourself only unto her (I refer you to my previous vow) as long as you both shall live (you kidding me? The experts say 75% of all marriages today will fail, what kind of emotional idiot would commit to those odds?) ?
You may kiss the bride…if you feel like it.
Don’t get me started on the Pledge of Allegiance. Remember all those founding fathers, what a bunch of pie-eyed dreamers they were. Benedict Arnold, now there was a Realist. He knew what the odds were.