The TRUE Preminitions of your 2009 Miami Dolphins

I've seen that alot of people have been making predictions. But I've been thinking... predictions are all about Confidence...But sometimes it's more than confidence; just the other day I was sleeping and Dan Marino appeared to me in a leopard thong bikini. It was quite a magnificent image. He proclaimed to me some of the most beautiful predictions my little ears have ever heard. So when I awoke, I knew what I had to do. I logged onto Phinsider, the most accurate, amazing source on the internet and created THIS fanpost. I was 100% sure that I was 79.8% confident that at least 8 of these predictions will come true. See that's a good number... I just gained some respect, a reputation of sort. You're all ears, aren't you... I can almost hear you through my speakers... "Speak to me", "Guide me with your wisdom". Well look no further my sons of orange and aqua. Here are 10 predictions that you can count on for 2009.

1. The Dolphins will win every game by atleast a margin of 54 points.

2. They will be the only team to have the opposite team in the Super Bowl forfeit, to avoid embarrassment.

3. Channing Crowder will be suspended 3 games for teabagging Rex Ryan during the postgame after the Week 5 69-0 victory. He would later get reinstated as Roger Goodell, who would call the situation, "too hilarious to punish"

4. For the next game between the jets and the Fins, Ryan actually resigns and appoints an interim head coach. Crowder teabaggs him anyway. Goodell is seen on the sidelines applauding.

5. Tom Brady will throw 5 touchdown passes in the Dolphin game. 2 to Sean Smith, 1 to Vontae Davis, 1 to Will Allen and 1 to Jason Taylor.

6. Tony Sperano is nominated by GQ as the Sexiest Man Alive. He becomes Oakley's new sponsor for sunglasses. He also replaces Jared in the "5 dollar footlongs" commercial.

7. Belicheck is seen by paparazzi after week 10, drunk on Bill Parcells' lawn in the middle of the night yelling and crying for football advice. Stuart Scott crowns the actions as  "Crygate" the next day on ESPN.

8. Pat White will be the next ochocinco of endzone dances. One of his more subtle celebrations involves a ring of fire, three tigers and a bottle of 151.

9. The Battle of the Chads finally ends in week 7 when Sperano decides to put both in the backfield. They combine for 8 TD passes. Each.

10. The newly undefeated Dolphins reunite with the 1972 Dolphins, get drunk after the super bowl and toilet paper Tom Brady's house. "18-1" is said to be spray painted on his front door.

So there you have it. Remember these are no predictions these are preminitions of biblical proportions. Please tell me what you think, and let me know if you have had similar vision's of God Marino that you would like to bring to attention.

B-