On every single other SB Nation blog, I come across the dumbest assumptions of what will happen the rest of the season. I keep finding that everyone thinks the Dolphins will end up 7-9, which frankly is an insult and plain ignorant. So I'm going to make a post about what I would think was going to happen if I was an ignorant bandwagon fan of the Dolphins, who only knows about the Dolphins...because everyone else seems to do the same thing regarding their team, cough...Colts....cough. And I'm only doing it for the AFC because it is dumb enough I have to do this to begin with.
AFC East: Miami: Why? Because I only know of my team in the NFL and don't realize that it is probably close to impossible for my team to win it at this point. Final record: 11-5
AFC South: Jacksonville: I see them winning out but losing one game to the Dolphins while the Colts completely lose out. Final record: 11-5
AFC North: Baltimore: They are probably going to win out all but one game (Miami) while the rest of the teams in their division lose out with the exception of the Bengals. Final Record: 10-6
AFC West: Kansas City: Yeah, the Chiefs...why? Because every other team in their division is going to lose out while Kansas City makes the playoffs with a miraculous 9-7 record.
Jacksonville 1st Round Bye
Miami 1st Round Bye
Baltimore v. Indianapolis.......Ray Lewis sacks Peyton Manning a record amount of times totaling 9. Adam Vinatieri misses every single field goal and blames Peyton Manning for his 6 INT game and calls him "Mr. Not-so-laser rocket-arm" . Peyton Manning gives deja vu interview while saying "...we're talking about our idiot kicker who got liquored up and ran his mouth off" : Winner: Baltimore 59-0
Kansas City v. Cincinnati........Carson Palmer tears his ACL and MCL as if it was 2005 all over again. Matt Cassel some how pulls out the win while only throwing for 100 yards and two touchdowns, while he finds the Vince Young in himself and rushes for 200 yards. Gives press conference and calls Tom Brady a bitch. Winner: Kansas City. 14-0
AFC Divisional Round
Jacksonville v.Kansas City......MOJO rushes for 250 yards and kneels at the one yard line each time he gets there, telling the people that have him in fantasy football to, "kiss his ass." The Jags score 4 field goals but fail to actually get a touchdown the whole entire game. Matt Cassel again mocks Tom Brady and asks him how it feels to be sitting at home with his illegitimate children. Winner: Kansas City 24-12
Miami v. Baltimore.....Chad Henne throws for 500 yards and 6 touchdowns while giving the Dolphins revenge for the loss to the Ravens last year. Ricky Williams runs for 200 yards and 2 touchdowns. Jason Taylor picks off Joe Flacco 4 times while Sean Smith and Vontae Davis each add a pick-6. Final Score? Miami 70-0
Kansas City v. Miami....The Dolphins decide to bench Henne in order to rest him for the Super Bowl they know they are making it to. Pat White plays the whole entire game while throwing 5 touchdowns and rushing for 3. Matt Cassel is sacked by Joey Porter who happens to tear his ACL and MCL, Porter asks Cassel how it feels to actually be Tom Brady. Cassel revels that he has also knocked up some models in his spare time. The Chiefs kicker, Mr. Irrelevant Ryan Succop, sucks it up and misses 4 field goals. Ricky Williams rushes for 300 yards and 4 touchdowns. The Dolphins are called the Patriots of 2007 without a Super Bowl loss in their future. Winner: Miami 84-0
The Dolphins go on to win the Super Bowl beating whatever team you fill in the blank with: ___________ ___________.
Just remember all, this was a joke to mock how some people just don't get it. I understand that half of what I said is either completely improbable or impossible but who cares...GO DOLPHINS.
This fanpost was written by one of The Phinsider's registered users.