FanPost

*Updated* Why Id rather have a pet dolphin than a jet

Dolphins are quite the amazing critters aren't they? Here I have a list for why Id rather have a pet dolphin than a jet. First lets see some facts about Dolphins:

-Although they live in water, dolphins are mammals and breath air through their blowhole, which is located at the top of their head. Some types of dolphins must rise to the surface to breathe every 20 to 30 seconds while others can hold their breath as long as 30 minutes.

They're mammals that can hold their breath for up to 30 minutes? So basically Dolphins dominate the air and the water. Jets can only fly and even then they need gas which is expensive as shit.

-Dolphins are highly social, playful, curious and intelligent.

So a dolphin will be my bff and keep me entertained? I'd like to see a jet do that...even if it's a transformer id still be a Decepticon dick who'd try to kill my ass because I'm a "human".

-Dolphins sleep by resting one half of their brain at a time so that one eye is always open. This allows them to rise to the surface to breathe and to protect themselves from predators.

FACT: Dolphins are always ready to go Rambo on your ass. Don't jets need an engine key or something?

-Male dolphins are called Bulls and female dolphins are called Cows.

So....this?

Dolphin-cow_medium

So dolphins not only sex their own ladies but other mammal's ladies too. Does a jet even have a penis?

-A baby dolphin is called a calf. Baby dolphins are born tail first and suckle from their mother for up to 4 years. Mother dolphins produce milk that is extremely rich in fat, often up to 50 percent.

Even the youngings get action. Does a jet even have a mouth?

-Each dolphin has its own signature whistle to identify itself.

Dolphins know who they are. And they know who you are too. Watch out. Anyone found a jet's penis yet?

-Dolphins have excellent vision and well-developed eyes.

To better kick your ass with.

-Dolphins are carnivores eating mostly fish and squid and sometimes crustaceans.

So dolphins like to be taken out to a nice seafood restaurant; which is a great icebreaker. And jets don't even have mouths which means that theyre anorexic. You know who else is anorexic? Paris Hilton. And she's a bitch.

-Dolphins have a thick layer of fat under their skin called blubber, which helps them to keep warm.

So basically you can't kill them with extreme weather. Jets pussy out in a thunderstorm

Also, dolphins are tight with the troops:

Military_dolphin_medium

They love America:

July_20fourth_20dolphin_medium

They are armed and pissed:

Dolphin-highsiding_medium

And Im pretty sure they are breeding with dragons to make themselves stronger:

http://media.photobucket.com/image/badass%20dolphin/mmonkeyman84/DragonDolphin.jpg

(Image was to big and awesome to post here)

So basically a pet dolphin would be WWWWAAAAYYYY better than a jet. Take it. Chew on it. It's yours to take from the phinsider's resident zoologist.

*UPDATE*

I just wanted to let yall know that I got banned from gan green nation lol. I think I crossed the line when (hopped up on codine from my cough medicine) I basically went clinically insane for a bit and typed a huge response to a post with large numbers of curse words and capitalized typing. Anyways Im glad yall like my post and I should tell yall to look forward to more installments in the near future.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Phinsider's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of The Phinsider writers or editors.