In 1998, the Miami Heat were unstoppable. Alonzo Mourning and Tim Hardaway were sick. They were the #1 seed in the East, the Knicks were the #8 seed. In game five, Allan Houston would bounce a runner off the rim 3 times and in to send the Heat home (in a game played in Miami). The players were shocked, the fans were heart broken. I was in near tears knowing it was all over.  In the lockeroom, Pat Riley sat in his office and cried. Alonzo Mourning went in after about 10 mintues and said "Get out there and talk to the team, do your job. They need you right now." Well that is kind of how I feel this week. I wasnt sure if i had an ITM in me this week. I mean, who wants to laugh right now? Well some of you said you do, and asked me to "get out there and do my job." This might be a little different than your usual I.T.M., but its what is in my mind that defines this article, not just what's humorous. Lets get into it.

  I would like to thank all the fans who came out to Dolphin Stadium this weekend - it was a truly special place. The turnout was a playoff record, and the towels all waiving during the pre-game introductions was amazing. Dolphin Stadium has seen so many magical, important games, and you really can't duplicate the feeling inside when the Dolphins are kicking ass. Many people have knocked the Phins fans in the past for being quiet or subdued, but to me they are just CLASSIC. We understand tradition and excellence, that is why last year was unexceptable. This brand does not stay down for long, and this year was a return to the team football this franchise is known for.  Home playoff games where the chant was "Lets Go Dolphins" and not "Lets Go Heat" were welcomed back in style. Dolphin Stadium Sunday was the cherry on this seasons sundae, win or lose.

  Meet my friend Jim. This is a picture taken seconds after Chad Pennington threw his fourth interception. Jim is confused. Jim's face is stuck in this expression. He is in "Pennington Playoff Pick" shock. Jim refuses to change his clothes. He keeps saying "F@% Ed Reed"  over and over and over in the bathroom mirror while putting on lipstick. He refuses to eat or bathe because "Cam Cameron must die". All he keeps asking me is  "Are you sure his name is JOHN Harbaugh?" When I say "Yeah, I'm pretty sure," he says "Jim!?" Someone was talking politics at work today and Jim punched him in the back of the head because he thought he said "McClain" instead of "McCain."  Jim called me today and just started screaming in a mocking manner "Wacco for Flacco! Wacco for Flacco!".  When Jim was in my car he jumped out at a stop light and started head butting dents in a parked car, because it was kinda purple. Jim doesnt believe what he saw Sunday, you will have to excuse him.

  Seriously Ed Reed, what the crap? Most Phins fans in South Florida,are Canes fans as well. Not me, I went to FSU. Everytime I see this guy he is kicking me in the friggin' nuts. My nuts are sore and rosey red. Mr. Ed Reed sir, please stop, this shit hurts. From watching his (NFL player filled) Canes teams in person stomp all over my Noles, to his Ravens dominantion of the Phins in big games, this guy sucks. Ed Reed you S-U-C-K. When I say suck, I mean "please for the love of god stop hurting me with your alien talents." It's like the ball hits his fingers and the world pauses while he stops on a dime, switches direction, finds his personal endzone escorts,  tears off you head, sucks the blood from your body, and dances on your endzone logo. Have you ever seen 70,000 people cover their faces with free towels all at the same time? I could have stripped naked and only Ravens fans would have seen me.  When I saw Andy Alleman darfing his way towards Reed on the return, I knew he was gone and my day just got longer. Your a very, very, very mean man Edward Reed. Not only are the Ravens "all about the U through and through", but that defense smells like Miami, doesn't it? That style of defense reminds me of prison. That is how the Canes used to play defense, and that is the kind of defense that produces smarkly rings. God, what a bad man, on a sick defense powered by Miami's finest and future Hall of Famers.

  The above picture is what the playoffs are all about. The crowd was deafening, trying to stop an opening Ravens drive that had score written all over it. When this ball hit the ground and Joey scooped it up the place exploded. This was unlike anything I have seen or felt in years. For a split second it seemed like 5 minutes after watching Joey sprint through introduction flames, we would see him sprint into the endzone for a touchdown.  The crowd, in unison, started chanting "Lets Go Dolphins" immediately. When we took the field on offense you could tell the people in the stands wearing aqua really thought today was their day. It felt and smelled the same as weeks past. The people around me jumping up and down screaming "MVP!!" as CP10 took the field. The Jumbotron with a huge Dolphins logo beating like a heart with the words "I Believe" on it. The Ravens fans chanting defense and getting booed, and then eventually swallowed into a sea of roars as the team broke all the way down the field.  Cobbs had two nice catches, and we got down to the 1 after a bruising Ricky run. Everything after that fumble recovery seemed to go good until we settled for a field goal. Minutes later.....ED REED HAPPENED. Yet still, this moment was the payment for a great season. At that moment you could not believe what was happening. Keep that feeling - that's the feeling you should embrace. That feeling is what this season was. From ashy, to classy. From worst, to first. From chumps, to champs. From the bullied, to the bully. Whatever you want to say, this is a celebration, and that play felt like a little bit of heaven on earth. Now stop crying in your beer and go get me a draft magazine.

(Dear God....this man owns the Dolphins now?!)

  Dear Mr. Ross,

   Don't go down this road. Please, please don't go down that road. You know what road I am talking about, you mouse looking New York real estate puke, you. I don't get to decide who buys my team, but I do get to decide whom I will personally upper-cut. If in fact you drive the Trifecta away, and hire your buddy ol' pal Carl, things could get dicey for you. Many Phins fans have lived down here for many years, and lets just say if you ruin this team's progress the real estate known as "your face" will be devalued. Stay away from the team and we are cool. You need to start kissing some Tuna ass, my friend - he can take $12 million from you and say "Ok...now what are you gonna pay me....FOR REAL?" Someone that wants a government bailout, but buys an NFL team, is already shady in my book. Do not give me more reasons to hate you, you had me at NEW YORK and well....NEW YORK. The next time I have to write you, it will be in person, and I won't be writing, I will be kicking old man ass. Take a timeout, maybe this team isn't for you, my friend. Go away...run along Ratatouiile before you get knee deep in it. 

  Top 10 signs your teams football season is over

10) Your fathead of Ronnie Brown is turned facing the wall, because it's just too much to look at.

9) A coach on your team, whom you have never heard of, is interviewing for a head coaching job. (Who the hell is "Bowles"?!)

8) All the sudden you have the urge to play basketball.

7) The "reading material" in your bathroom changes from the morning paper, to anything that has the name "Mel Kiper" somewhere on it.

6) Anyone and everyone who knows you avoids talking about "the game" for the next 10-14 days. No one has ever broken this rule and lived to tell about it.

5) Gus Johnson is calling the game, but it's a basketball game.....his voice still makes you wanna run through a brick wall though.

4) All of the sudden, the weeks feel like they are 8 days instead of 7....because Sundays just opened up.

3) You don't HAVE TO drink EVERY weekend....now its avoidable....kinda. Not really.

2) When people ask you who you want to win, you say "My team isnt playing, they have a bye this week."

1) You're a Jets fan. (1 last LOL! at you, gang green, until next season!)

It has been my pleasure writing these articles, and I hope to continue sharing my views with all of you in the future. Laughing, to me, makes the good times better and the bad times bearable. I plan on spending my offseason right here on this site - yes, you're stuck with me. Fantastic football minds, like Matty and Nicky, being on my side this year has really made this place a pleasure to checkout everyday.   We have a little bit of everything here on The Phinsider.

  This season was a lot like a roller coaster. Fun while it lasted, tough to get off, and I want to do it all over again. This offseason will be extremely exciting. We have 10 draft picks (including 3 in the 1st 2rds), questions will be answered upstairs, and free-agent "hot-stove" talk will again include us as a sexy destination. I implore you to wear your aqua and orange all offseason long. Pickup some new Phins gear, show it off with pride. The Miami Dolphins will be back, "Bigger, Faster, and Stronger."