Hold on boys this ride might get a little bit bumpy. This is going to read like War & Peace comparred to most posts here.......sorry. Anyone who has ever read anything I've written here can probaly deduct that I come with, well, lets say alot of energy. Even if my body isn't moving, best beleive, my mind is working on something. So, when it comes to Dolphin games, be it watching on TV, taking a road trip, or now,.....having the good fortune to make several appearences at home games...I AM, FIRED UP WITH MY BALLS TO WALL!!!
The year was 1999, the game Fins vs Colts in Indy. Indy is a short 6 hour drive from my hometown of Toledo, Ohio. Back then rarely did I have another dude to take this road trip with me. Not wanting to miss a once in a lifetime chance to see the Fins that year I would make a weekend trip out of it and take, which is now, my ex-wife with me. Back then, she was the Bomb.........super hot, tight body, and huge fake ass titties!! Going out with her anywhere was kind of like being on guard duty...........Dudes always trying to salt in my game. That didn't bug, I was up to the task and use to it. Just a little side note: Bitch eventually left me for another dude, got her tits removed, pumped out 2 kids, then doubled in weight....going from 125ish to well over 200lbs. Funny,.........how things work out!! Anyways, back to my tale!! The night before a game I am climbing the walls, I can't sleep for shit, and by 6AM I'm dressed in full Dolphin gear and looking for action. Being the thoughtful guy I am, I let the little lady reast til 8ish. Little lady, sounds funny, knowing what I know now.......It's time for breakfast of champions.......large Pepsi and 2 chocolate cupcakes were my usual back then. Really, it was more like an appittizer for what was to follow. Bloody mary's, beer, chili dogs, pizza, all good sources of fuel for a guy like me. To kill the time, I'ld get a local newspaper and enjoy the sugar rush, all the while giving nasty looks to any early rising Colts fans. Because you know what? Screw them!! You play the Fins .........I HATE YOU! PERIOD, END OF STORY! We can be buddy's on Monday........today........TAKE A FLYING LEAP!!
It's now time to hit the road, 8:30 or so, and I don't have tickets yet. No problem, you see I've got excellent people skills. We drive to the old RCA Dome, find a parking space, and making our way around. After about 30 minutes or so, I came across a Fin fan that had some tickets for sale. This guy seemed different, but I was willing to overlook whatever flaws I noticed in light of my ticketless hyped-out state of mind. But, he was different......medium build, average sized pot belly, coke lens glasses, bad complextion, yellow teeth ( looked like brushed his teeth with gunpowder and a match), and (as if I cared) talking all kinds of trash to who ever walked by. F bombs, eat shit, you name it ......he said it. And don't get me wrong, I run my mouth non-stop....but, not so much personal attacks, as cheering SUPER HARD for the Fins. And my M.O. has always been, it opposing fields, a wait and see........until attacked 1st. Which has never taken long. But, remember.....I'm on guard duty........me and my old lady. The transaction took just a few minutes, however after it was all said and done I remembered something he said. It didn't register at the time as I was so giddle getting tickets at face value. He said, " I got some extra tickets because some of buddies couldn't make it." That's when the light went on..........I hope I'm not sitting next to this blow hard. You know the type, runs their mouth, only to find they couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag. This could be trouble I thought, but the game was still hours away and there was a ton fun yet to had. FUEL THE BODY........FEED THE FIRE!!! The body was fed, the mind was right, me and my old lady were looking like a Dolphin power couple........time to get to the Dome!!
Not long after finding our seats, who do I see making his way up the steps towards us but good ol' shit for brains........JUST GREAT. And I had forgotten all about his dumb ass. But, there he is running his mouth full tilt begging for somebody to knock him out........ He sits down next to me like I'm his new best friend, putting on a show. I try to give him a little advise, calling strangers out in their home field when everyone is fueled with beer and booze and.........oh yeah, outnumbered 100 to 1............BAD IDEA. This guy........Clueless.....to say the least. He didn't hear a word I was saying, he just kept goin on and on. This went on for 20 minutes prior to kick off. Finally, after he kept back slapping me, talking shit, I let know.........DUDE, GO SCREW YOURSELF.....I'M NOT WITH YOU & SOMEBODY WILL KNOCK YOU OUT IF YOU DON'T CALM DOWN. He didn't shut up, but he left me alone.
Kick-off...........the verbal assults continued. Back & forth between him abd everyone around a 50 foot radius.There happened to be a little kid sitting in front of us who was a Fin fan.The Fins didn't look good, they where getting beat. But, in my somewhat drunken state I tried to advise the youngster to ignore the dick head next to me and to not give up faith and cheer as hard as you can after a good play by the Fins.So, I cheered for the good plays......there were not many. People were unloading in our general direction, no thanks to Mr. big mouth. This went on and on......and somewhere during the 1st quarter a older female usher made her way up and informed ME that I was going to have to calm down!! I about flipped, I explained it wasn't ME!!! I was only cheering for the Fins in a general way, trying to pep up the little kid, and that it WAS MR. take on the world that her warning needed to be directed at. Guess how that played out?? He said NOTHING, took no ownership for his actions and when I looked at him .........he had the most sheepish little look on his face I have ever seen. I WAS PISSED!!! Not to mention the Fins were looking like shit. Only one thing to do.......grab a few more beers! Kill the pain. The game goes on............now, more of the same. He starts running his mouth, Fins getting killed, and eventually a 2nd visit from our little old white haired usher. Again, she tells me how shes getting complaints about ME.......and I'm about to get tossed. I give my same explanation, he takes no ownership, and now .....I'M SUPER PISSED!! SCREW IT......MORE BEER!!
By the end of the 3rd quarter I'm good and drunk, and madder than a hornet. So, I decide it's time to go..........the game was lost, they were down, loike 4 scores or something. Just a bad day all the way around. I stand up, now some drunken Colts fan is dropping F bombs on me, calling me a pussy, and even laying into my wife. Well, did I mention, I was already drunk and pissed. He was about 10 row up. I turn and fired back......"say that shit to my face!!" He replied, " come on up." I think before he even finished his sentence......there I stood. I shot up those steps. In didn't take long........I stared him down, said some inviting remake, but I noticed his buddy standing up behind him.......fist cocked and ready to throw over his buddy's shoulder. That's all I need to see, the guy in front was still running his trap when I took One LARGE step into the front guy sending 4 or 5 guys in that row down like a stack of dominos. I didn't punch him, just a fists to his chest and shoved as hard as I could....domino effect was the result. Being no other Fins fans in sight I didn't hang around, I ran down those steps, wearing any beer that was in striking distance of me. I gatehred my wife and we made are way out of the stands, we only got about 50 feet before I was cornered by 2 large men wanting to question me. Having not been shown any badges or ID, I did my best make a dash for the exit. Not such a good idea, I was cuffed faster than I could blink my eye.
They took into the inners of the building, put in a little holding room and left me there. I had no idea where my wife was at this point, or what was going to happen. So, it was the beginning of the 4th quarter and I was in a room that had a 6" X 24" slit of a window in the door. There was a little 12" TV that the guard was watching on the other side of the door that I could barily see. What happens next is the stuff of legends. LEGENDS, I TELL YOU. "THE" Dan Marino mounts a 25 point 4th quarter comeback!!!! Unbeleivable...........look it up. I really couldn't see the TV, but I could hear the crowd. It didn't seem like cheers, I thought most everybody was hitting the door as the game seemed in hand when I got thrown in the slam. They must have groans of pain and suffering at the hands of a Dolphin comeback. Mind you, I didn't find out this information until I got released, yeah..........I GOT RELEASED!!! The guy who cuffed me came back and told me that my wife starting crying uncontrollably and eventually was able to give are side of the story. So, he told me he felt "kinda" bad for me, and that I was damn lucky I didn't end up in jail. I knew that Bitch was good something..........End of the story..........not really. I get back to my car..........and the battery is dead.