I.T.M Rzayo24: Raaaaaiders Week

  Well Dolphans, it looks like were gonna need a bigger boat! I'm happier than a wardon, in a women's prison, with a fist full of pardons. I am so happy that women are getting pregnant just from standing too close me. Your Miami Dolphins are 6 up and 4 down with the hated Patsies coming to town. Winning is our business, and business is goooooooooood. Somebody slap my ass and call me Nancy! Delightful!

  I have a confession before I get to anything "sports related". This weekend I found myself doing something so shamefull and unmanly it disgusted me. Instead of my usual "game type food", I sat down to the game with a bag of pita chips and some freakin' hummus. Never have I felt more unamerican and womanly, all at the same time, in my entire life. Normally I'm a beer and chicken wings man. I'd eat wings covered in beer or chicken wing flavored beer, try me. This week, however (said in a Steven A. Smith voice), I went the healthy route. I made a mistake and I am docking myself 30,000 man points for it. There will still be a investigation by the NFL and a possible suspension and/or fine.

Remember that sound Jim Carey makes in Dumb and Dumber when he asks a guy if he wants to hear "the most annoying noise in the world"? Turns out CP10 played half the last drive with that blasting in his headset. He still got the job done. If my first child is a boy his name will now be "Chad". In the event my first child is a girl her name will be "Pennington". I'm not fooling aorund here people, I think someone has to do something for him. Money is not  fair compensation for how my lil Chaddie makes my heart flutter. When Chad Pennington walks into a room I hear the Boyz 2 Men song "I'll make love to you" playing. Just say it with me "Pennnningtonnnnn". Doesnt it just roll off your tongue? Pennnnnninnngggton. It's like a hot knife through butter. Sexy and sleek.  Would you classify me as a stalker yet? Ok, let me know when I'm getting close.

  Something funny crossed my mind on Sunday, Wouldnt it be cool to have an announcer call your life. Like "Rzayo24 gets in his car, he goes for his seatbelt, yessssssssss click!" Or how about "Rzayo24 unzips, he shoots he scores!!!". Thats all. Just thought I would share that with you. I think it would be pretty sweet. I might be under estimating the creepiness of a old man following me around all the time though, huh? Especially when he is in the shower with me, that could get awkward. I might want to rethink that fantasy. That or I'll hire Erin Andrews to do it. Mmmmmmm Erin Andrews shower visual. Too bad shes a Gator.

  Our Phinsider Poll (Thanks Husker) on "Who we hate the most in the AFC East" is up. Looks like we hate the Jets most (28%), followed closely by the Patriots. Bringing in the rear (insert your own joke) is the Buffalo Bills. Personally I hate them all too much to choose. It's like asking me which one of my kids I hate most, just to hard to decide. Hahaha, relax I dont have any kids. I do hate some ex-girlfriends almost as much as I hate the New York Jets though. It's close.

  I've said it once and I will say it again, mothers tell their children to cover their eyes when Ted Ginn Jr. gets the ball. When he gets going he is like a freakin' kangaroo in the Outback to catch I tell you. He has Terradactyl like short little arms and he will stiff arm your ass into next week. If you want to know what it's like to tackle Mach 19, go run in the road and try to catch a car. Don't do that, but you know what I'm sayin.

  Apparently after the winning drive Chad Pennington went into the defensive huddle and asked Joey Porter "Where my dogs at?". Is it possible for a white man to set back HIS race 25 years with one sentence? Whats worse is he followed it up with the line "Go eat!". Chad stick to being a stone faced assasin of a quarterback, leave the cool hip-hop lines to Joey Porter. Actually CP10 say whatever you want, your just too cute to be mad at.

  Driving the entire field and having a turnover happen feels allot like having your girlfriend stop you right before "showtime" .Does it not? I mean we Wildcat all the way down the field,Chad is slicin' and dicin', and then disaster happens.I get enough of that crap on Saturdays watching my Noles play. I don't need salt on the wound Sunday.

  Here in Coral Springs, Florida we have a classy little piece of land set aside. We call it Mount Trashmore. Basically it's a bunch of trash from our filthy asses ,with some grass covering it so we can call it a "mountain".  I was just wondering if that is ok anywhere else. Do you have that? I mean I just noticed today how massive this thing is getting. I'm just wondering if this is normal, haha.

  The Jags were on fire in the 2nd half Sunday!! By on fire I mean the mascot caught on fire at halftime. Apparently he got too close to some fireworks and his little paws and ears got burnt. The Jags weren't so hot, they blew the 14-3 Halftime lead. The Titans are now 10-0,so it makes complete sense that Mercury Morris was on ESPN this week. Everytime he talks I find myself wanting to set myself on fire and jump out off a building top. Dude, shut up.

  Macho Harris, a safety, plays for Va Tech. Remember his name. This guy plays like Bob Sanders. He plays WR, CB, PR,KR...he does it all. He plays like his pants are on fire (new favorite catch phrase). This is the type of guy you could see fighting Kimbo Slice on You-Tube, hes crazy. One thing I read was that he flashes a "eats glass attitude". I do not know what the hell that means, but I want that guy on my side. He also plays ALLOT like Troy Polamalu. I say this because I think he will be there when we draft and he is who we will pick. Talk about spooky if I'm right. He just matches what we need on defense perfectly.

  Random Rapid Fire in closing:

  Punting from the 34 yard line will always make no sense to me. It's like leaving a hot drunk date at the bar. You got this far, you might as well go through with the thing. The Raiders fan site is depressing! I can almost smell Al Davis's decomposing corpse in there. Joey Porter says somebody has to pay for the special teams problems. He think the Parcells black hole is about to swallow somebody again this week. Who do you think it will be? We better bring our big boy pants this week, New England isn't coming to play soft I'll tell you that. No Flutie drop kicks here. 91,000 people attended the Redskins/Cowboys game Sunday. Thats about 2 full American Airlines Arena (Miam Heat)  more people than attended the Dolphins game. This Sunday I think the house is a rockin'.

                           " I find the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."

                                                           --Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)

  This team doesn't have to apologize for anything in these last two wins. They have done an amazing job finding ways to win the close games this year. Big time test this Sunday. Let's hope Joey breaks down this Cassell.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Phinsider's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of The Phinsider writers or editors.

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