Boy do I love football. However, if there is anything I love more than football, it's slacking off for a long weekend of fun with some bro's. Thursday afternoon started the arduous journey from central Florida to Davie, to kick off the weekend with a primetime college football game. For those of you who don't know, I'm a Canes man. I grew up 15 minutes from the Orange Bowl, my grandparents lived in Coral Gables, and my grandfather graduated from the University of Miami. After 4 hours of sitting on my ever growing sore ass, air guitarring to Mars Volta and making my father uncomfortable with homoerotic humor and grab-ass with my buddies in the back seat we finally arrived at Joe Robbie.

    My father runs to the ticket booth to get tickets as quickly as possible, because buying tickets ahead of time is for the birds apparently. Flasks in hand, my two buddies and I drank 350ml of Southern Comfort, and 400ml of Sailor Jerrys and stumbled to Gate F. After locating my dad, which in it of itself is a task of mighty proportions (he's a small man), I was hugged by an old friend who gave me one of those "drunk guy bearhugs" that made all the liquid splish-sploshing in my bladder yearn for release. (I hope that sounded as homoerotic as possible). Once I was released by the drunken vice grip we found a friend we got a ticket for as well [for those of you counting at home, we are now a fivesome] and headed into the stadium, all the while slurring "IT'S GREAT- TO BE- A MIAMI HURR-ICANE" and running to our seats. I always thought alcohol sale was prohibited at NCAAF games, but much to our elation, there was a godsend in form of a stocky, middle-aged man selling us over priced beer. Since this isn't a Canes blog I won't bore you with the details of the UM game, but it was an amazing defensive performance that left us voice-less by the time the bell tolled for the Hokies.

    Friday saw us sitting on the couch for most of the day, watching Freddy Got Fingered and once again, making lewd comments to one another, as we waited for the guy we were staying with to get off of work. Since my dad was working that day too, we had no vehicle, so we hit the liquor cabinet to slake our boredom. Fast forward to hours (and mLs) later, we're in Fort Lauderdale at the Wayward Sailor waiting for The Aquabats (if you know who they are, you'll know how excited I was to see them) to get onstage. Many Jager shots and Yuengling drafts later, my friend and I stumbled to the Culture Room, leaving my two buddies from Orlando at the bar since they didn't want to go to the show. The Aquabats show blew my mind, and I danced to every song, falling more times than i could count on the sweat soaked marble floors. Most defiantly one of the greatest shows I've ever been to.

    Sleeping in the living room on a blow up mattress in the middle of the floor is not the greatest form for a hung over light sleeper when everyone else in the house is waking up early for church. So Saturday morning was spent nursing my pounding head and playing GTA til our thumbs fell off. There was some monotonous shopping for Fins gear for my friends, but that stalled quickly and we found ourselves at The Grove, playing beer pong, blazing joints with homeless guys in the parking lots and howling at the "but-her-faces" wagging their round, firm behinds at us while we gawked like drunken perverts. If you ever find yourself in downtown Miami, avoid the place called "Vagabond" like the plague, it's a bunch of pretentious scensters who smoke Parliament Lights or menthols and drink martinis out of glasses that cost more than a Rolex. That place sucked, plus a homeless guy stole $20 from me instead of getting me weed. And now, onto the moment you've all been waiting for... SUNDAY! THE FINS GAME!

    Breakfast at Versailles to build up strength, a 30 minute drive to Joe Robbie, and several beads and free swag later we're in the Clubhouse. If you've never been to the Clubhouse at Joe Robbie, do yourself a favor, splurge once in your life and get club seats to just enjoy the full bar, leather chairs, heated rooms (which on a day like yesterday was much needed), and beautiful women. The food is delightful, which for a vegetarian like myself is a welcomed change from nachos and peanuts, that's not to say I didn't have those either. I'll breakdown the game as best I can here:

-Player introductions were electric. They introduced the starting defensive players, huge pops for Yeremiah and Channing, and of course they saved the best for last, Joey. The stadium ERUPTED when he was announced and he pumped us up with some jumping and flexing.

-The refs were absolutely horrible this past game. We got mr. steroid-forward-pass-not-fumble. As if our special teams needed any help getting worse, there were at least 3 holds I could blatantly see, and every single punt return by the Raiders (including the one returned for a TD) had  London getting blocked in the back and shoved into the dirt.

-Joey didn't look as explosive as he had towards the beginning of the season, consistently getting blocked, credit is due to our secondary, who has improved leaps and bounds since the season started, because JaMarcus actually looked poised and comfortable in the pocket.

-That reverse to Ginn was so exciting. You could hear the "ooh's" and subsequent "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH's" as we all thought he was going to be tackled by at least one of the three guys he made look like school yard chumps on his way to gallivant into the endzone.

-Ronnie's fumble broke my heart, it looked like took a lot out of him, by his body language in the following drives, that all stalled.

-Oh boy, Matty struck the nail on the head about Cobbs. He was everywhere on Sunday, even drawing double teams on Special Teams. All I can say is I would not to be on the receiving end when he lowers his shoulders.

-Brandon Fields is the man. After that safety, I was dreading the ensuing punt, but he nailed it and hung it up there long enough for us to cover the field and drop those Black & Silver dillholes at the 20.

-The people in the club seats are not nearly rowdy enough for young studs like my companions and I. We were banging seats, jeering, telling the refs to "go back to sucking dick on the corner you hack", all the while all these people could do was gripe about the play-calling and how we should throw the ball more. At one point, right before the Dan Carpenter game-winning FG, this girl sitting behind us was like "kick the FG already you're wasting time!", I don't think she's ever watched football before.

-I LOVE Greg Camarillo. Did you see that catch from a batted ball? The concentration from this kid is amazing. He got a knee in bounds. What a great player. So humble too.

-Raider fans are obnoxious. Even in defeat they won't shut up and since they're all too drunk [most likely because their team is the Raiders] to reason with you have to just turn away and roll your eyes for them to get the message. The people in the section we were in nearly threw this loud douchebag over the railing because he was quiet all game until they got the TD return, then all the sudden he's Mr. Macho and calling his friend and going on about how quiet the stadium got and how "the Raiders were supposed to lose this game, what happened Dolfans?" After Teddy caught that 7 yard pass I turned around and "WHOOOOO"ed him directly in the face while we all motioned first down and chanted it into his tearing eyes.

All-in-all it was a magnificent weekend and it sucks coming back to work and reality, but I will leave you with the words of wisdom that Old School (the vagrant who smoked us out) left us with. Bear in mind, this is the last thing he said to us before turning around and walking away:

I've met everyone in the world except Jesus Christ, and I've seen something the world has never seen; a monkey eating pussy with golden chopsticks.