I.T.M. Rzayo24: Seahawks Week

  Ohhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaa! It's a party up in here! (Streamers and confetti fall from the ceiling as the DJ pumps MC Hammers "Cant Touch This"). Step on in. Here's a cup, dude - put your name on it and hit the keg out back. I got a story to tell......

  I'm sorry - did we put Ted Ginn Jr. on layaway or something? I feel like we just payed him off and now we get to use him. The new Ted Ginn Jr. feels like air-conditioning on a hot Miami day. Ted Ginn Jr. returns feel like a movement. That man covers field faster than a Blackhawk chopper. That flea-flicker catch was IMPOSSIBLE. You do not make that catch. You don't. Ted Ginn Jr. apparently does. I don't know which one of you payed him off, but I thank you.

What did I tell you? Don't you dare give up on this Wildcat or I will smack your mouth. The whole damn league is running it, literally. In Monday Night's game, I saw the 49ers and Cards running it at each other! Nobody runs it like us, and we hold all the secrets. By the end of the season there will be some highlight film with 10 variations and 10 long touchdowns. Its magical. I sat here in my bedroom and I swear to you, for some reason, I shouted  "Work of Art!!!". I never say that phrase, but thats what it is - a work of art. The beauty in how this play is messing with defensive coordinators' minds is so fun to see.

  Some people are just too big. You know what I mean? Like where the hell did you come from? Mars? Walter Jones is a planet. On defense, I normally watch Joey Porter at the snap. This game I watched him charge head first into this so called "human" all game long. It was like watching a bad police movie where they can't break down the door. Bam! Bam! Bam! Nothing. Walter Jones should have to play from his knees. He's too big. Not fair.

   Do you remember any plays Andre Goodman made Sunday? No? That's because they constantly threw AWAY from him. The Seahawks got the tape on Goodman covering Marshall last game and said "no thank you". Two-thirds of the earth is covered by water, the other third is covered by Andre Goodman. I have no idea how he doesn't suck anymore. Don't ask me.

  Best line of the week on Culpepper's return. "Culpepper was 6-13 for 335lbs". Classic. Delhomme (in his 1st week on my fantasy team) went 7-27 for 72 yards and 4 int's. Chris Berman put it best when he said "that's a batting average!!". Delhomme laid this steaming pile of crap on the field and his team STILL won by double digits. They played the Raiders. Oh hello Raiders - welcome to town! So very nice to see you!

  One more win is big. Why? Because the Vegas over/under for our wins this season was 5.5 wins. One more win and all those people who doubted us lose money. That makes me smile. I remember a Jets fan calling into the radio station and saying he was gonna bet big money and win big money on us. How is that working out for you now, Jets fan?

  At this point an overweight 45 year old woman in heels blindfolded could return a kickoff against us to the 50. I just do not get it. We don't have the talent to cover a return? Really? Ernest Wilford is a huge man and if he didn't have such a "mangina" maybe he could help out once in a while. One catch, $6 million dollars. That's where we stand. What kind of cornerback could we have had for $6 million? I don't know a classier way to put this: Ernest Wilford, you suck balls and I hate you . Ernest Wilford has the heart of an Iguana. I don't even know what that means, but it seemed like it fit.

 Did anyone hear the story LT told about Bill Parcells this week? Apparently when he coached the Giants, the players NEVER saw him eat. Day after day, no one witnessed him eating anything. So LT goes on up to his office and sees all these baseball hats laying around. He says there were like 30-50 of them! He didn't think anything of it. Then he saw a commercial. McDonald's new promotion was that they were giving away baseball caps with the purchase of a Happy Meal. Now that's funny. Parcells like Happy Meals.

  Random rapid fire in closing:

  Tony Sparano fist pumping in slow motion reminds me of a scene from "Celebrity Fit Club" where they celebrate a great workout. Tony Kornheiser is a complete moron. COMPLETE. He says with 2:30 left on the clock last night that the game is over. The 49ers had a timeout and the warning left. They ended up getting like 10 cracks at the endzone to win it. Jaws said, and I quote, "How long have you been watching football, Tony?". Ricky cut through the hole and he said he saw something he hasn't seen in years, NOTHING. Nothing is good. Joey Porter is going to eat Andrew Walter for Brinner (Breakfast at Dinner time) . I am now convinced the only reason the Cowboys are this average with such a great roster is due to the fact that we have their mojo. When you ask yourself how good a job Parcells has done, ask yourself one question. How would you feel if the trifecta pulled a Saban and left. How would that affect this franchise? Exactly. Thats why the Cowboys are suffering right now. That and Tony Romo's thumb. Camarillo was so open on that Teddy flea flicker touchdown. His face was great. At first he is like "you idiot!!!" Then as the catch is made his face looks like "holy crap he caught it!". Sometimes being lucky is better than being good

                 "Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there"

                                                                         --Will Rogers

  Now is not the time to celebrate. The Dolphins have a lot of work ahead of them. Tony said it best, five wins gets you a high pick in next years draft, not an award. The Raiders are in town and are asking to be blown out. Let's make it happen.